SoCS: stop yelling!

My inner voice, the monkey mind part, has been yelling and I can’t stop it. Oh, I can drown it out with music somewhat or try to repeat a mantra, maybe twice if I’m lucky. Sometimes even TV doesn’t drown it out and I have to run back what I’m watching.

I’ve complained about my neighbours before. I wish so much I could NOT think about them. I’m not just talking to myself, I’m hollering at them all the things I’d like to say to them.

There are the lazy young people in front of my house and their house is owned by the matriarch next door. My lot is behind both their houses.

I’ve been sitting here trying to think of how to explain it simply. I can’t. And I sure don’t want to sit here and write out the 12 year long details of why I feel this way today.

I spend so much time alone and Thursdays I get to be with people who make me feel good. We’ve had a heart-breaking death in the family; I’ve been struggling with depression.

So I come home Thursday feeling pretty good and there she is in my driveway with her dog, going for a walk. She never walks her dog. My first thought was, “she wants to know the details.” I’m already screaming “fucking, go away!” in my mind.

Yes, she wanted to know what happened to “the guy who used to be her neighbour”  then turned it immediately to ‘this is when her husband died two years ago’.  No ‘how’s your niece doing?’ or ‘how are you?’

Normally I could muster up some sympathy but this time I could not. I’ve been living here for 12 years, on my own, and the women in this neighbourhood have been awful to me. Those italics are what I yell at them.

The Celebration of Life for my niece’s husband was the day before my birthday. It was a very sad day. They knew I was home alone all day. This woman wrote on my Facebook Timeline; “have a great day, gf!”

And what does my stupid monkey-mind do? “Girlfriend?” Seriously? I want to walk over there and yell at her, “I’m not your fucking girlfriend!”

I’m sorry for all this negativity; I’m fighting it with a beautiful Christmas tree and watching a lot of comedy. . .

Why did she have to be in my driveway on Thursday?  Damn!

socs-badge-2019-2020

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “loud.” Find any word that means “loud,” and use it any way you’d like in your post.

https://lindaghill.com/2019/12/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-14-19/

One thought on “SoCS: stop yelling!

  1. I’m so sorry for this loss and that you have to deal with insensitive people. Glad you have a place to vent and people in your life who help you feel better along with a beautiful Christmas tree and comedy that will work wonders. Sending peace.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s