Just a Sip, Perhaps?

If there were a real Fountain of Youth, would you drink the water?

HHMmm….. before I say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ I would have to read the label and weigh the side effects against what it has to offer me.

I read a few of the blogs that all say “no!” so affirmatively and courageously but I’m not so sure I wouldn’t like just a little sip.

I agree that I would not like to be a young person again and lose all the knowledge and wisdom I’ve acquired in 62 and a half years but I would really like to do more work outside for longer periods of time. I used to be able to work all day at gardening and landscaping but now I’m only good for 2 or 3 hours. I can’t work all day long.

There is still a pile of slab wood in my driveway delivered last year because I can only do a few loads at a time. I like it neatly stacked in my woodshed which is on the other side of my house, close to my back door.

During the very hot weather and a full work schedule I didn’t do any. Yesterday I started back to chipping away at it, 4 wheel barrow loads at a time. When my back got achy I switched to weeding but soon got sweaty and irritable. I had worked the night before until 10:30, getting home at 11:00  so that ‘allowed’ me to take the rest of the day off.

If I could have just a little sip after breakfast, work vigorously all day long, then it would wear off at night, I would do that. Be old again and enjoy a hot Epsom salt bath followed by TV, lounging on soft, purple throws, happy to be alone. (I want someone who isn’t going to be there in the morning.)

We are in for another week of very hot, humid weather; the last I hope. I have this weekend off, woo hoo, and have nothing to do except all the stuff that needs to be done. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

I’m going out to do 3 or 4 loads of wood, it would be nice to use the weed-eater longer than 20 minutes. I could use a little sip from the Fountain of Youth.

Or maybe I should just try Meth.



In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Forever Young.”


Today I was noticing the two prompts I follow could be written in the same post. Thinking about how to put it together I realized the subject would be the same as the last prompt I did….. ‘MIND’ in Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

https://wordpress.com/read/post/feed/14601702/786634022Do You Mind?

Not only that: I read something on Facebook this morning that got me thinking on this very subject.  The handwriting is on the wall, so to speak…… I must make an effort to write this idea down……. in less than 1,000 words!

Here are the two prompts:

Do you believe in fate or do you believe you can control your own destiny?




Our minds are so much more powerful than any of us believe. Even if we intellectually believe it, we fail to utilize it because we don’t have faith in our own power. But that can be a good thing; power in the hands of the average person can be a disaster.

I think the crux of the problem is that we can’t separate our minds from our souls, or spirit.  We are made of three things; body, mind and spirit. It’s generally accepted by most people now that we can differentiate the physical from the spiritual…… well, not everyone believes it but my point is that understanding and nurturing our souls has become mainstream philosophy.

The body is the physical vehicle for the soul: the mind is the mental vehicle for the soul. The mind is the astral body. It’s source is the astral plane. In this plane exists all good and evil; all heavens and hells, all gods and goddesses, anything and everything that could exist in our imaginations.

But our spirit or soul is beyond all that. Where, and what it is, is unimaginable: it can only be experienced when we break beyond the realms of the mind. (How to do that is not the subject of this post)

The ‘realm of mind’ is made individual by our ego. We are a little drop of MIND just like our souls are a little drop of GOD (or whatever you want to call it). We perceive it all as one thing; ourselves.

As we develop spiritually, we see our souls as separate from our bodies. But our soul can also be separate from our mind. The soul is the real power behind the mind but the mind, lead by the ego, has all the power now. The ego wants to be in charge, the mind wants comfort and to frolic in the senses. We run from discomfort and relish sensual enjoyment. That’s what moves us ….. like water flowing downstream…. our souls are lead on a sensual journey with not much thought to our destination.

The next step in our spiritual revolution of humanity is to recognize the mind and the ego for what they are. Until we can master the mind and ego, the soul is just a slave to our desires. We want what we want.  But is that always the best thing? Is what we want going to hurt others? How many times have you wanted something to happen so badly then to find out years later that would have been a disaster? Or being so devastated by a perceived tragedy only to find out it was the best thing that ever could have happened years down the road?

Our fate has brought us here, now, but our actions here and now determine our future. All the great spiritual icons we revere kept their faith in a higher power to lead their souls. So many spiritual souls were tortured and killed for their spiritual beliefs. They didn’t pray for money and sensual comforts. They didn’t believe God would reward them with money and social acceptance. In Eastern philosophy God gives his specially beloved the gifts of poverty, illness and humiliation. Chew on that one awhile!

That’s the trouble I see today; all these people who believe they have the power to make their lives ‘better’ and point a finger at others saying they are sick or poor because they aren’t thinking the right way.

You could use the power of your mind for ‘good’ or for ‘evil’. Generally ‘good’ is what we want and ‘bad’ is what we don’t want. Either way you are tangled in the web of mind and all your struggles just entangle you all the more.

And to change direction is like pushing water uphill.  Good Luck, I’m floundering on the sidelines nowadays, desparately hanging onto my beliefs.





Do You MIND?

Yes, I MIND! That’s what comes to mind.  What a funny word for that…… I MIND.  What does that mean? It’s in my mind predominately because it bothers me so much…?

Is it a verb as well as a noun?  I mind, you mind, she minds…… I minded? no, that doesn’t work.

I really MIND having to work tonight and be in at 8:00 freaking O’clock tomorrow morning. Last night I got home from work at 11:00 p.m.  I got off at 10:15 but did grocery shopping as we are open until 11:00. I felt bad for the cashiers.  The last hour must be hell.

O’clock…… that’s a funny word……



Step Away From the Birthday Cakes

What’s worse than mopping floors late at night when you are already exhausted? Mopping floors late a night, exhausted and listening to Taylor Swift chirp merrily about her ex-boyfriend.  Or Mariah Carey wailing on one note for way too long. “I found ou ou ou ou ou ou ou ou out….”  It’s the only time I ever image having a gun and shooting it…… at the speakers, not the person.

I’ll be so glad when summer is over….. sorry, everyone, but summer means work in a beach town. For two months we are trying to supply people with all they need to have fun and eat well. A handful of people can’t supply all these tourists with the cakes, donuts and birthday cakes they require. How can there be so many freaking birthdays? I would like to see the statistics for Leo’s loving the beach.

I could just make birthday cakes all day and they would get sold. However, we are supposed to make all the other cakes and pies, too. My counter-part burned out yesterday with two ‘special order’ cakes left to go. She’s going in early to finish them.

I iced birthday cakes all afternoon on Wednesday and yesterday (Friday) they were all gone. We have four birthday cakes ready-to-go; chocolate and vanilla 6″ X 8″ and 8″ X 12″.  We ice them and put them in the freezer then decorate them as they go out for display. Every time someone takes a cake it means getting another out; adding sprinkles, flowers and leaves. Yesterday, I just put in some “Happy Birthday” plastic picks with plastic pick decos to make it faster. They still sold. I groan silently when I see someone pick one up.  Nooooo…….

Too many times they pick up the 8X6 and say “could you write Happy Birthday _____, _____ and __________ on this?”   You want to say…… “Look at the size of this cake. And you want me to write all that”

Last night I had a full sink of ‘dishes’ which are baking sheets, muffin pans, scoops, spoons, knives, etc. I was interrupted more times than I can count……. sometimes it’s just a kid wanting a cookie but a few times it’s someone with a birthday cake. “Could you write on this…..?”  And then replace it in the display case.

This week started out with a break in my schedule but ended up badly. I worked last night: he phoned me on Thursday saying he forgot to put someone on Friday night, would I come in? Only 5:00 to 10:00.  Sure. I’ll do that. Saturday night (tonight) he had me on 5:00 to 10:00….. but yesterday he asked if I would come in at 2:00.  Actually he asked, “Do you want to come in at 2:00 tomorrow?”  I laughed. “Do I want to?  hahahaha….. no, but I will”

I never finish at 10:00.  Last night I worked as fast as I could and got done at 10:35.

My lawn mower doesn’t work and my lawn is long. I’m going into work serving people having a fun summer. No friends, no fun, no help….. it just goes on and on.  Weekends? Holidays? Not for me.

If you are wondering what this bummer blog is about…. its Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Here’s the new banner:




Sometimes I Remember

When we have problems, over-worked, poor health, lack of love, the usual things that keep us from happiness, we wonder why we have to live through this when others seem to have it so good. They aren’t better people or have worked any harder…… they just have it way better.

Sometimes at work I feel so bad for myself: that I’m working so hard at this age, for minimum wage, and tolerating being spoken down to. At night, with a big mop and bucket, I could sit down and cry. This certainly wasn’t how I planned on living my later years.

Then I see the homeless, the handicapped, those unable to work or have a home for whatever reason, scorned and treated like garbage.

The range of ‘bad’ to ‘good’ is so vast, I’m just treading mediocrity. At least I have a job, a home and pretty good health for 62.

Today I have the grace, space and time to contemplate life as I do dishes, (no dishwasher) and I remembered something, it hits me every once in a while when I have to space to think, this IS why we are here.  These troubles, this discomfort is exactly why we are struggling to survive on this Earth.

We, as souls, wanted to come here to feel; loving, crying, eating, being a part of nature, the terrible beauty that this planet is. To experience all this is an awesome task.

In the book of Sophia, from the Dead Sea Scrolls, it says angels bow before humans because we are souls that come down to the dregs and make it out again.

I wonder how my life turned out this way but it doesn’t matter. It DID turn out this way. And for whatever reason, I’m meant to live here alone then go into work and deal with unpleasant people. It’s HOW I deal with it that matters.  These people are meant to know me, too, for whatever reason. The way I treat them in return is so important; it can impact both our lives.

We could let days pass by worrying about things that will never happen, wishing our lives to be so different and miss the reason for our being here and experiencing this.

It’s not easy and it’s not always fair. (It just seems unfair because we can’t see the bigger picture.) We think we are leading this mundane, stupid life and can’t see the miracle that it is, right here, right now.

After we die and see “WHY” we will slap ourselves on our foreheads for not seeing the trees in our forest. Except we won’t have a forehead or hands……. but we will want them again…… and want to try to get it right this time.

Daily Prompt; I worked.

Think about what you wanted to accomplish last week. Did you? What are the things that hold you back from doing everything you’d like to do?

Yes, I had a successful week.  What I wanted to do was survive, mentally and physically, so I could rise to a full-time schedule and make some money.  I did it….. I worked as hard as I could every shift scheduled, wasn’t late once, stayed late every shift, didn’t return the venom spit at me on a bad day. I did tear-up one morning but it passed.

I had Tuesday and Thursday off.

Tuesday I rested. (well, that’s after four hours of housework so I can feel good about resting.) In the evening, I went to see Minions with my 13 yr. old grandniece who was staying with my sister. Listening to those kids laugh hilariously is worth sitting through the movie.

Thursday my sister was driving to my niece’s new house in Kindcardine.  It’s a 2 or 3 hour drive for me and I hadn’t been there yet. My grandnephew, is almost 3;  funny, affectionate and adorable: I’ve been really wanting to go up for a visit. My sister was going up with my grandniece. Her Dad, my nephew, was going to meet us there to take her home. No way would I pass up seeing everyone…… and not driving!  Even though it wasn’t a restful day, it did me a world of good mentally to be with people who loved me and be fed delicious food. I went in the next day almost cheery!  (They shut that down in no time)

I worked 2:00 until 11:00 p.m. yesterday….. so exhausting. Today I’m supposed to be there but …… last night there was a revised schedule notice….. I’m off until Wednesday! My boss knew I had reached my limits. Good thing he wasn’t there yesterday…. I would have hugged him for letting me off today.

I didn’t even mind working all night knowing I’d be off today. Although, I felt pretty shitty by 10:00 and I still hadn’t mopped the floors yet. While I was getting the mop and bucket I was paged to get back to the bakery. Someone wanted a cake at 10:15 p.m. and asked me to write “Happy Birthday Anas” on it.  Can you imagine how I fought the urge to spell that wrong?????? But I was extra nice because they were Muslim and I didn’t want them to think I was racist. We dislike all customers equally late at night regardless of race, religion or sexual preferences.

I might have completely ‘lost it’ today.  I would be there right now, in the insanity of Sunday/ holiday shoppers. Oh God, I am so glad I’m at home!

Checklist: Made some money, saw Minions, spent time with family, today I can relax….. and I have the satisfaction that I toughed out a hard two weeks. It’s over!

What would I rather be doing? HA! Retired with money, of course.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Obstacle Course.”

Please Enthuse Me

socs-badgeThe Steam of Consciousness prompt is “enthuse”.   What is the opposite of enthused? because that’s what I am.  I am the proverbial ‘dead horse’. Too many days at work with too long hours is taking its toll on my mind and body.

Yesterday was bad enough starting at 8:00 in the morning and trying to do everything as fast as I can. Then my counter-part cake person comes in at 10:00 and is a raging bitch all day. We are low on stock and she has lots of special cake orders so the underlying theme was that I’m not making enough cakes and pies for the hundreds of customers taking them off the shelves.

Some people like to be angry. It gives them something to chew on, it gives them energy, like their own venom. Smokers are often like that because as the urge to have a smoke increases, the agitation increases then…. SWOOSH… you can take a break, have that smoke and complain how incompetent everyone else is. Release!

She had two smoke breaks before I went for lunch which was 4 hours into my shift.  I could go on about how horrible she was but I can’t be bothered to type it. She creates the opposite of enthusiasm in the work place. I’m dragging my ass in there to begin with and now there’s the extra added crap of her bitchiness.

I have to work today/tonight 2:00 to 10:00 but I don’t get done at 10:00 anymore because there is just too much to do. We are open to 11:00 and I usually stay; I have to finish cleaning, there can’t be any product out that’s not bagged. There are still customers late at night who want birthday cakes, pastries;  a gourmet cupcake in a one-cupcake box.

I am beyond caring. It’s all I can do to go in there and try to work without letting that witch get to me. I don’t care if someone can’t get the cake or the pie they want. There are lots of others; sometimes we are out of something:  SO WHAT!

I just remembered one exception that happened yesterday.  A couple came with a little boy and wanted a Thomas the Train birthday cake for Sunday morning. I went over to ‘her’ to ask if she could do it. She bit my head off.  I went back and said “I’m sorry, we are swamped with orders…..” The little boy started to cry. I gave him a cookie.  She came up to me after and whispered “you can’t please everybody”.

Yeah, I’m just using Stream of Con. to vent.  I dread going in this afternoon and working all night. Then get home, wash out my apron because I have to be in tomorrow morning.

I am so very, very unenthused.


Style Icon; that’s me alright

Yes, style. I have great style however those are my ‘good’ clothes and I very rarely wear them anywhere. At one point in my life I said “no more ‘good’ clothes I never wear! I’ll wear good stuff everyday!”

Trouble is, ‘good’ clothes aren’t as comfortable and they get slopped on. I need comfort and ease at home.

For example, the other day I was about to step outside when I thought what I was wearing was too hilarious to be caught by anyone…..  and I’m hidden from neighbours!

At home I wear my ‘house’ pajama pants and t-shirt inside-out so I don’t feel the seams. If I’m doing dishes or cooking, I wear an apron (I have many). The most comfortable footwear is socks ‘n sandals and ‘croc’ sandals need socks.

I’ve gotten used to wearing a hair net at work and found it’s good at home, too. My hair is mid-length so keeping it off my face and neck feels great in hot weather.

This day I didn’t even bother to draw on any eyebrows. So head to foot: black ankle socks and croc sandals, pajama pants and old tank top inside-out, apron, hair-net and, for the final touch, a toothpick in my mouth.

Before I stepped outside I took off the apron and the hair net and threw away the toothpick. I’m still sane enough to care if I look crazy.

Work is a different story. Work is the reason I demand such comfort at home; black polyester pants, a white cotton/polyester blend button-down shirt with short sleeves, a black apron and a black baseball hat.  Most days I have to clean it when I get home to wear it the next day. Saturday night I got home at 11:25 p.m. and had to wash it to be in the next morning at 10:00. Working on cakes, I get a lot of icing on everything: my apron gets covered, my pants get dripped on, chocolate icing always gets on my shirts somehow (I have two) and my hat gets bad pushing it up all the time.

But tonight….. tonight I’m getting out my good clothes and going to see Minions with my grand-niece. She’s 13 so I wouldn’t want to embarrass her.  I’ll be wearing my mauve skinny jeans, some pretty blue top and an ivory ‘biker’ jacket.

I have to say, since we’re talking style icon, those mauve jeans turned out to be the best thing. Blue seems to be my default colour but many blues clash with each other or don’t match jeans. Mauve goes with blue: every blue top I have looks good with those mauve jeans.

I’m stepping out tonight!


just kidding……  I wear cotton granny-pants inside-out.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Style Icon.”