It’s not easy being me. At 61 owning a house and working, even part-time, is all that I can handle. I really love my little house tucked into the woods but the cost of just owning a house and car is crazy. It costs a lot even to be poor! It would make more sense for me to sell it and live where I don’t have to own a car or do yard work. But I don’t want to move…. I want to have it all! Time, money, love and health. and sugar, too.
I should be around people more because I spend a lot of time alone and get kind of crazy. I know; In order to meet someone I have to put myself ‘out there’. But I don’t like it out there, I only like it in here. The only thing I really like going out to is Zumba but I haven’t done that in a couple of months. My days off I try do some yard work then decide that’s enough exercise. I really just like to be at home, puttering. I don’t like excessive, needless talking. This used to be OK because I was married to someone who was the same way. We could be loners but still have someone. (Although I used to think many times “why do I feel lonely when I’m married?”) I wish I had someone to talk with but don’t make any effort to go out or phone anyone. When the phone rings I groan, “oh, who’s that….” and check the call display to see if they are worthy…. and very few are. It’s not easy being me.
I think I just perceive things differently than everyone else. I’ll bet everyone who reads this knows exactly what I’m talking about; that’s why we’re blogging! Somewhere we need a space to air our views without being ridiculed or having to defend ourselves. And to make things more difficult; I’m vegetarian. Not one of those obnoxious types who nags everyone then silently goes back to meat eating; it’s been about 35 years and is fully ingrained as part of me. Basically, people eat whatever they want and so do I. By todays hippy standards I should be vegan but I don’t want to give up dairy. Cheese, yogurt, sour cream, paneer….. I would hate to give up those thing so I don’t bug anyone who wants to eat meat. I don’t care what anyone eats! Many of the reasons I used to give for being vegetarian don’t hold true if I eat dairy; that would make me a hypocrite. Too hard on myself? It’s not easy being me.
My brain is just not as good as it used to be. I can’t believe the little things I forget or suddenly make a leap back 30 years in my memory. I’m not sharp anymore; my brain feels mushy and foggy. I’m getting better at covering it up though; I use to be too damn honest and get myself in trouble. (it’s never been easy being me) A month ago, at work, I was making banana cream pies and forgot to put sliced bananas on the bottom of the crust, before the filling. I was actually putting in the filling ,scoffing; “That’s all there is to a banana cream pie? One cap of banana flavouring?” Somewhere between the 4th and 5th pie it dawned on me. I hot flashed. Thankfully my boss was on his break; I went like the wind to the produce dept. got some bananas and got some slices in the last few before he got back. He already groans at me too much.
I’ve been without my computer for a while but finally got it fixed and set up yesterday. I was supposed to send a copy of a receipt in the mail three days ago and I will get the money back. Thank God I scanned it last l week because I can’t find the original receipt anywhere. I even picked through the garbage (it’s not easy……). I had to drive to town to get the computer and set it up to get the receipt. I was so happy it was still in there and saved because I thought for sure the way things are going that would be lost money, too.
The mail boxes in my area don’t get mail pick up on weekends so this morning I drove into town again so I could mail it at the post office, knowing it was open until noon, and get a few things I saw on sale at the grocery when I took the computer in but didn’t have enough money. It’s Saturday: I dropped the letter with the receipt in the mailbox that doesn’t get opened until Monday and the stuff I needed was no longer on sale. Tomorrow I am working at another grocery store and driving right by another post office. A wasted trip to town when I could have been wasting my time here!
I just don’t have enough time for a job.
It’s not easy being me…… but I like me.
I’m very happy to be back in the blogging dimension….. I missed you all!
NOTE; today’s prompt was; write about any topic you feel like — but you must reuse your opening line (at least) two more times in the course of your post. I was going to write “I’m back!” so this gave me the perfect venue.