SoCS: precious

What do I consider precious? It sure as hell isn’t anything to do with jewelry.

My home is the most precious thing to me. I am so grateful to have my own house in the woods. Security and privacy are precious. When I see the millions of people who are homeless right now due to raging storms, tsunamis, earthquakes,  war, poverty and many more adversities I double up on gratitude for having my home. My warm, comfortable bed at night, not having to keep one eye open in case I’m attacked: these are things many people take for granted but I do not.

My time is precious to me. I am so happy to be retired I can’t even put it into words. Whenever I’m feeling a bit down I remember; at least I don’t have to work at Sobeys anymore. That job was so hard, no one knows. I remember mopping the floors at  9:30 p.m. after working my ass off all afternoon, and fighting back tears. And for a pittance! I did it to survive and that’s about all I did; survived.

I’m making more money now on my Old Age Security than I did in my hardest working months in the summer. The summers were so hard, so busy, so tiring, all could do was work there. Try to clean my house on my day off and rest up so I could make it through another few days. Now I’m so grateful to my government and to live in Canada. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed at how lucky I am.

I can’t leave out how precious my health is to me. Without it I would not be enjoying my home or anything else. I will continue to eat well and exercise because it’s the only way to keep it. I’m 65 now and I want to stay in my home as long as possible.

I never talk about my spiritual life, I don’t belong to a religion, but what I did learn from devoting so many years to study and meditation is so precious to me. Just last night, ruminating about all those things and people you ruminate about while trying to get to sleep, I thought; Thank God I learned what I learned!!!! What would I be without that knowledge and faith? Who knows. Having that internal guidance is so precious!

My family is precious to me. I didn’t have children even though I tried and tried for years. But my sister had children and they had children, all of whom are precious to me.  When I lost my home, mate and job all in one horrible day, I had my family there to help and support me. What would have happened to me without them?

I’ll leave with a quote that’s been waiting in my head. It’s from Bruce Cockburn;

“All the diamonds in the world that mean anything to me, are conjuring up by wind and sunlight sparkling on the sea.”

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https://lindaghill.com/2018/10/12/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-13-18/

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SoCS; card

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oh darn. I’ve had this open for a half an hour and can’t come up with anything for ‘card’.

I really like doing the Stream of Consciousness on Saturday because its someone to talk to. Someone to talk to without having to talk. Somebody that lets me speak without giving me unsolicited advice or telling me how I ‘should’ feel.

My head is like the weather today; foggy, grey and wet. Its damn dismal.

Rather than burble on, I will show you a Christmas card I’ve had since I was 19 or 20 years old (that’s more than 40 years). I bought two and gave one to my Dad. He thought it was hilarious. I kept another and have had it as a Christmas decoration every year since. It still reminds me of my Dad; I remember him reading it and laughing.

 

Dad's Christmas card

It suits my mood today.

https://lindaghill.com/2018/10/05/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-6-18/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/06/rdp-saturday-burble/

SoCS: My Domain

This is my domain, my Queendom. Everything here is the way I want it.

Anyone who comes here and tries to tell me different gets their heads cut off.

It was a struggle to win the Crown; there were those who sought to thwart my power but they could not. Conspiracies to topple me from my throne have been exposed and failed.

In my Domestic Domain, I reign free.

Outside of my home, not so much.

*****************************************************************************

Hmm, something is amiss and I can’t add the SoCS photo. I must move on to my domestic duties. We have a full itinerary today. (by ‘we’ I mean ‘me’, that’s royalty talk)

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “dom.” Use it as a word, or find a word that starts or ends with it. Have fun!

 

https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/28/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-29-18/

SoCS; defoliated

It’s the autumnal equinox today. So flower/ flour would mean its time to dig up flowers I want to move and make an apple pie making pastry from scratch , with flour.

But I’m not feeling flowery, or floury. I’m in a state of emotional upheaval and I’m going use this equinox to have some ritual by a fire tonight.

So far my fire pit is a hole of dirt but I don’t care. Tonight I dance by the moon and may do some howling.

What I needed to write didn’t fit in with ‘flower’ or ‘flour’ in the longest stretch but yesterdays’ prompt did; smirk.

Here’s a link if you want to know;

https://monicleblog.wordpress.com/2018/09/22/rdp-the-smirk/

If you don’t, that’s OK I just needed to get it off my chest.

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https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/21/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-22-18/

RDP: The Smirk

I have to use yesterday’s prompt because it was ‘smirk’ and I actually got a smirk yesterday. A smirk at a time when my mental health is not good. A smirk that gives you fury and tears at the same time.

There was a whole week of emotional turmoil that finally peaked with the smirk.

I hadn’t heard from my ex husband in a long time but he phoned me last Monday and said, “There’s a reason I haven’t been in touch but I don’t want to talk about it on the phone. Will you be home Thursday?” “Yes”

So I had a few days to wonder what the hell is going on imagining all kinds of things.

When he arrived I was shocked at how skinny he was, like a skeleton. He had been very sick for a couple of years. The doctors couldn’t find anything until he ended up in the hospital starving to death. Then they found he had a collapsed esophagus and it had been that way for two years.

Other personal things had been going on with him that I won’t get into so he was crying and yelling and is an emotional wreck. Bottom line is; it was very intense.

I didn’t sleep much that night. My emotions were swinging wildly feeling bad for him, feeling sorry for him then feeling mad and revengeful; as in “you totally had this coming, you deserve it!”

So Friday my emotions were in turmoil. Just to add fuel to the fire, the neighbourhood bully had to park in my driveway, blocking it. It’s a right of way and she was talking to the neighbour that lives in front of me. Usually its just for a minute or two so I didn’t think about it. But it was there a long time.

My sister was just down the road visiting with a friend and was going to drop in afterward. I texted her that this woman was blocking my driveway so when she comes “please, honk”.

I decided to mow my lawn and saw that they are still sitting in the van, talking. Of course, they would not come out and say hi or ask how I was….. they just sat in the van talking. I mowed my lawn; they were still there.

I went back in to make my lunch. At that point I was laughing that they were there so long, as in  ‘get a life’. They had been there about an hour and a half. My toast popped up at the same a time I got a text from my sister saying she’s leaving now, meet her at the top of the driveway. No chance to tell her she’s still there! Now I have to walk past them.

I’m sure they all could pick up how upset I was as I walked up the driveway. Bully pulled into a parking spot, where she should have been in the first place. The guy slipped into his house without even looking at me.

I gave my sister what she came for, looked into the BMW SUV and saw Bully sitting with her little dog. She didn’t look at me, she was staring straight ahead; SMIRKING.

I couldn’t help myself; it just came out sarcastically; “Nice seeing you again.”

So my mental state is NOT GOOD. My stomach is in knots. I wish so much I had just ignored that message and not walked up my driveway. I was making my lunch, I should have just kept on making it.

I’m trying so hard to not let that Bully get to me. I’m trying so hard to not hate my neighbours. Trying to tell myself the old bullshit about how you ‘choose’ to feel.

 

cropped-ragtag-header

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/21/rdp-friday-smirk/

SoCS: post

Write a post about ‘post’. There I just did it.

My young, lazy neighbour knocked on my door last week. He’s the only one in my neighbourhood who ever knocks on my door. He said I could buy some of his slab wood from last year but the then went on to point out my sloping deck and, once again, the tent caterpillars.

“Yes, I know” I repeated several times. He has a habit of pointing out what needs to be done just in case I didn’t notice.

I pointed out, again, how much I wanted to move my clothesline as it is growing into the walnut tree (with all the tent caterpillars) and getting too shady. It needs a new spot.  He offered me a 4X4 post he has in his pile of rotting wood that is still good and I could have it.

Gee, thanks. I’ll add that to the other 5 or 6 things you said you were going to do and haven’t done. He’s always saying to ask if I want help but he has not done even one job I’ve asked him to do.

Seeing the word ‘post’ reminded me of how irritating that guy is.

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https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/14/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-15-18/

RDP + SoCS; Bird; the earworm

B..b..b..b..b..b…b…b..b…b..b..b..bb.. ooo mow, mow. ba ba oo mow mow ,

Ba ba oo mow mow, ba ba oo mow m mow………      (pronounce ‘mow’ like ‘cow’)

See what happened? I saw the SoCS prompt; ‘earworm’ but also saw the RDP: ‘bird.’  Well, everyone knows that bird is the word.  ba ba ooo mow mow.

My earworm would have been the last song I heard but The Bird removed that.

The one the most recent songs to torture me was ‘Havana oo na na.’  This is a go-to song for exercise because it’s not too fast, good cool-down, terrible for getting stuck in your head.

“Half of my heart is in Havana, oo na na.”

Thank God I don’t work at Sobeys anymore. All summer they played early 60’s pop which drove me out of my mind. I still can’t stand to hear those songs. I would drive home with some hated song in my head: sometimes I would scream and slap myself.  I’m not going to try to remember one because it might stay with me all day!

I remember the one I had stuck in my head yesterday…. Counting Stars. “Old, but I’m not that old. Young, but I’m not that bold.”

“He took me into his cabana, oo na na”

Damn.  I better listen to something else;

 

The really good part starts at 1:10…..

I won’t bother with the prompt photos….. let this earworm lead the way!

https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-8-18/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/08/rdp-saturday-bird/

RDP: coffee

Coffee, how we love you. That smooth, brown warmth in the morning, washing away all scum and fog: waking is bleak without you. I set up my coffee maker (still have an old-fashioned basket-type coffee maker) at night so I only have to press a button.

Some people can stumble out the door and drive to Tim Horton’s every morning. I would need a coffee to go get coffee. How do people drive in the morning without coffee? The length of reaction time between the eyeballs and the brain is so slow. Until a coffee is in me, my brain is on ‘Huh?’ mode.

Once a month I take a medication for osteoporosis. It must be taken immediately upon rising with a big glass of water, which is not nearly as pleasing as coffee and I have to chug it. Then I have to wait a half an hour to drink coffee….. a half and hour! With great anticipation, I watch the time; pressing the button at 25 minutes.

Gosh, this is boring; even for me. We do love our coffee, don’t we? Give us the prompt and we can wax poetic.

Today the heat and humidity has broken! Two days of cool weather. I am going to work outside until I drop. The bind weed (wild morning-glory) is strangling everything around my entrance way but my main goal is starting a fire pit in the middle of my back yard. Yes, I’m going to do it; start digging out sod today.

I better make some more coffee.

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https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/07/friday-rdp-coffee/

The Yard Sale

Yesterday I did not have time to do the SoCS prompt in the morning and I rarely write at night. I intended to…. got out of bed expecting a quiet, leisurely morning.

I check out Facebook before WordPress (after e-mails, news and horoscopes). The very first post was from a friend saying her son passed away suddenly the night before. He was 23 and autistic, their only child.

She is the nicest, kindest person, always smiling even through the worst times with her son; she’s such a good person.  Only two years ago they sold their house near here and moved to the town his group home was in so she could go everyday. My heart aches for her.

While I was reading this and crying, I noticed there was a message. It was from my neighbours telling me they were having a yard sale and I could join them. They were already setting up when I got the message which was written the night before but I don’t look at Facebook at night; it’s a morning coffee thing.

They said they were having it last week and I said I didn’t have enough time to get stuff together. I complained here; why can’t they walk back here and talk to me?. So they didn’t have it and didn’t tell me.

Anger gave me rush of adrenalin. I hauled my two very heavy ‘portable’ tables outside and wrote a message back I needed help with them. When we came out with the tables her boyfriend says ‘oh good more tables’. I said they could use one and it was full by the time I came back with aprons, jigsaw puzzles and fabric. Oh well, I only needed one because there was only so much I could get out there on such short notice.

The property in front of me has two houses; it was all owned by Gary who died of lung cancer last Christmas. His wife is in the house which is full of junk as in hoarding junk. The other house is his daughter and her boyfriend who are the laziest people. OMG.  He helped stepmom set up and then went in because he was so tired from all that work. The daughter, around 2:00 p.m. said she was so tired; she’d been working all day. (Yeah, I was here, too. We set up then sat around) She also said she was getting stuff together the night before but got tired and thought she better not wear herself out for the big yard sale the next day. I’m serious. They are 30 years old.

There was so much junk. Not even ‘donate it’ junk, I mean garbage junk. I made $14.50. Sold a couple of aprons and a few jigsaw puzzles. I had boxes of plastic bags and little sauce containers I sold a lot of. They were from my spring roll venture. There were also a couple of lamps I couldn’t give away from my failed lamp endeavour.  It was a display of my failed businesses.

One of the fabric pieces was from the special order my friend made who just lost her son.  I mentioned it to the other ladies, the stepmom and her friends, because they knew of her and knew the family. I said I thought it was probably from a seizure which he suffered from severely. There was always the fear that one would kill him.

The two women immediately turned the conversation to their own seizures and had a contest of who had the worst seizures, earliest in life and what their Dad’s did, what you’re supposed to do if you see someone……. I mean, it went on and on (while they chain-smoked).

By 2:30 there wasn’t much action so I started taking my stuff back. Luckily its raining today so I know for sure they aren’t setting up again. I wonder how long that free junk will sit out there.

As for me, I’m going to put my stuff and the tables back, which is all in my livingroom right now, and tidy up the messes I made pulling out stuff to get at stuff.  We all have too much stuff.

Now today’s prompt is up and it’s sequaicious; same meaning as obsequious. Nope, can’t cram it into this post. I’ll throw this into the ocean of blogs like a letter in a bottle.

I reads, “Help me! I’m a stranger in a strange land!”