SoCS; defoliated

It’s the autumnal equinox today. So flower/ flour would mean its time to dig up flowers I want to move and make an apple pie making pastry from scratch , with flour.

But I’m not feeling flowery, or floury. I’m in a state of emotional upheaval and I’m going use this equinox to have some ritual by a fire tonight.

So far my fire pit is a hole of dirt but I don’t care. Tonight I dance by the moon and may do some howling.

What I needed to write didn’t fit in with ‘flower’ or ‘flour’ in the longest stretch but yesterdays’ prompt did; smirk.

Here’s a link if you want to know;

https://monicleblog.wordpress.com/2018/09/22/rdp-the-smirk/

If you don’t, that’s OK I just needed to get it off my chest.

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https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/21/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-22-18/

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RDP: The Smirk

I have to use yesterday’s prompt because it was ‘smirk’ and I actually got a smirk yesterday. A smirk at a time when my mental health is not good. A smirk that gives you fury and tears at the same time.

There was a whole week of emotional turmoil that finally peaked with the smirk.

I hadn’t heard from my ex husband in a long time but he phoned me last Monday and said, “There’s a reason I haven’t been in touch but I don’t want to talk about it on the phone. Will you be home Thursday?” “Yes”

So I had a few days to wonder what the hell is going on imagining all kinds of things.

When he arrived I was shocked at how skinny he was, like a skeleton. He had been very sick for a couple of years. The doctors couldn’t find anything until he ended up in the hospital starving to death. Then they found he had a collapsed esophagus and it had been that way for two years.

Other personal things had been going on with him that I won’t get into so he was crying and yelling and is an emotional wreck. Bottom line is; it was very intense.

I didn’t sleep much that night. My emotions were swinging wildly feeling bad for him, feeling sorry for him then feeling mad and revengeful; as in “you totally had this coming, you deserve it!”

So Friday my emotions were in turmoil. Just to add fuel to the fire, the neighbourhood bully had to park in my driveway, blocking it. It’s a right of way and she was talking to the neighbour that lives in front of me. Usually its just for a minute or two so I didn’t think about it. But it was there a long time.

My sister was just down the road visiting with a friend and was going to drop in afterward. I texted her that this woman was blocking my driveway so when she comes “please, honk”.

I decided to mow my lawn and saw that they are still sitting in the van, talking. Of course, they would not come out and say hi or ask how I was….. they just sat in the van talking. I mowed my lawn; they were still there.

I went back in to make my lunch. At that point I was laughing that they were there so long, as in  ‘get a life’. They had been there about an hour and a half. My toast popped up at the same a time I got a text from my sister saying she’s leaving now, meet her at the top of the driveway. No chance to tell her she’s still there! Now I have to walk past them.

I’m sure they all could pick up how upset I was as I walked up the driveway. Bully pulled into a parking spot, where she should have been in the first place. The guy slipped into his house without even looking at me.

I gave my sister what she came for, looked into the BMW SUV and saw Bully sitting with her little dog. She didn’t look at me, she was staring straight ahead; SMIRKING.

I couldn’t help myself; it just came out sarcastically; “Nice seeing you again.”

So my mental state is NOT GOOD. My stomach is in knots. I wish so much I had just ignored that message and not walked up my driveway. I was making my lunch, I should have just kept on making it.

I’m trying so hard to not let that Bully get to me. I’m trying so hard to not hate my neighbours. Trying to tell myself the old bullshit about how you ‘choose’ to feel.

 

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https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/21/rdp-friday-smirk/

SoCS: post

Write a post about ‘post’. There I just did it.

My young, lazy neighbour knocked on my door last week. He’s the only one in my neighbourhood who ever knocks on my door. He said I could buy some of his slab wood from last year but the then went on to point out my sloping deck and, once again, the tent caterpillars.

“Yes, I know” I repeated several times. He has a habit of pointing out what needs to be done just in case I didn’t notice.

I pointed out, again, how much I wanted to move my clothesline as it is growing into the walnut tree (with all the tent caterpillars) and getting too shady. It needs a new spot.  He offered me a 4X4 post he has in his pile of rotting wood that is still good and I could have it.

Gee, thanks. I’ll add that to the other 5 or 6 things you said you were going to do and haven’t done. He’s always saying to ask if I want help but he has not done even one job I’ve asked him to do.

Seeing the word ‘post’ reminded me of how irritating that guy is.

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https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/14/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-15-18/

RDP + SoCS; Bird; the earworm

B..b..b..b..b..b…b…b..b…b..b..b..bb.. ooo mow, mow. ba ba oo mow mow ,

Ba ba oo mow mow, ba ba oo mow m mow………      (pronounce ‘mow’ like ‘cow’)

See what happened? I saw the SoCS prompt; ‘earworm’ but also saw the RDP: ‘bird.’  Well, everyone knows that bird is the word.  ba ba ooo mow mow.

My earworm would have been the last song I heard but The Bird removed that.

The one the most recent songs to torture me was ‘Havana oo na na.’  This is a go-to song for exercise because it’s not too fast, good cool-down, terrible for getting stuck in your head.

“Half of my heart is in Havana, oo na na.”

Thank God I don’t work at Sobeys anymore. All summer they played early 60’s pop which drove me out of my mind. I still can’t stand to hear those songs. I would drive home with some hated song in my head: sometimes I would scream and slap myself.  I’m not going to try to remember one because it might stay with me all day!

I remember the one I had stuck in my head yesterday…. Counting Stars. “Old, but I’m not that old. Young, but I’m not that bold.”

“He took me into his cabana, oo na na”

Damn.  I better listen to something else;

 

The really good part starts at 1:10…..

I won’t bother with the prompt photos….. let this earworm lead the way!

https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-8-18/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/08/rdp-saturday-bird/

RDP: coffee

Coffee, how we love you. That smooth, brown warmth in the morning, washing away all scum and fog: waking is bleak without you. I set up my coffee maker (still have an old-fashioned basket-type coffee maker) at night so I only have to press a button.

Some people can stumble out the door and drive to Tim Horton’s every morning. I would need a coffee to go get coffee. How do people drive in the morning without coffee? The length of reaction time between the eyeballs and the brain is so slow. Until a coffee is in me, my brain is on ‘Huh?’ mode.

Once a month I take a medication for osteoporosis. It must be taken immediately upon rising with a big glass of water, which is not nearly as pleasing as coffee and I have to chug it. Then I have to wait a half an hour to drink coffee….. a half and hour! With great anticipation, I watch the time; pressing the button at 25 minutes.

Gosh, this is boring; even for me. We do love our coffee, don’t we? Give us the prompt and we can wax poetic.

Today the heat and humidity has broken! Two days of cool weather. I am going to work outside until I drop. The bind weed (wild morning-glory) is strangling everything around my entrance way but my main goal is starting a fire pit in the middle of my back yard. Yes, I’m going to do it; start digging out sod today.

I better make some more coffee.

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https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/07/friday-rdp-coffee/

The Yard Sale

Yesterday I did not have time to do the SoCS prompt in the morning and I rarely write at night. I intended to…. got out of bed expecting a quiet, leisurely morning.

I check out Facebook before WordPress (after e-mails, news and horoscopes). The very first post was from a friend saying her son passed away suddenly the night before. He was 23 and autistic, their only child.

She is the nicest, kindest person, always smiling even through the worst times with her son; she’s such a good person.  Only two years ago they sold their house near here and moved to the town his group home was in so she could go everyday. My heart aches for her.

While I was reading this and crying, I noticed there was a message. It was from my neighbours telling me they were having a yard sale and I could join them. They were already setting up when I got the message which was written the night before but I don’t look at Facebook at night; it’s a morning coffee thing.

They said they were having it last week and I said I didn’t have enough time to get stuff together. I complained here; why can’t they walk back here and talk to me?. So they didn’t have it and didn’t tell me.

Anger gave me rush of adrenalin. I hauled my two very heavy ‘portable’ tables outside and wrote a message back I needed help with them. When we came out with the tables her boyfriend says ‘oh good more tables’. I said they could use one and it was full by the time I came back with aprons, jigsaw puzzles and fabric. Oh well, I only needed one because there was only so much I could get out there on such short notice.

The property in front of me has two houses; it was all owned by Gary who died of lung cancer last Christmas. His wife is in the house which is full of junk as in hoarding junk. The other house is his daughter and her boyfriend who are the laziest people. OMG.  He helped stepmom set up and then went in because he was so tired from all that work. The daughter, around 2:00 p.m. said she was so tired; she’d been working all day. (Yeah, I was here, too. We set up then sat around) She also said she was getting stuff together the night before but got tired and thought she better not wear herself out for the big yard sale the next day. I’m serious. They are 30 years old.

There was so much junk. Not even ‘donate it’ junk, I mean garbage junk. I made $14.50. Sold a couple of aprons and a few jigsaw puzzles. I had boxes of plastic bags and little sauce containers I sold a lot of. They were from my spring roll venture. There were also a couple of lamps I couldn’t give away from my failed lamp endeavour.  It was a display of my failed businesses.

One of the fabric pieces was from the special order my friend made who just lost her son.  I mentioned it to the other ladies, the stepmom and her friends, because they knew of her and knew the family. I said I thought it was probably from a seizure which he suffered from severely. There was always the fear that one would kill him.

The two women immediately turned the conversation to their own seizures and had a contest of who had the worst seizures, earliest in life and what their Dad’s did, what you’re supposed to do if you see someone……. I mean, it went on and on (while they chain-smoked).

By 2:30 there wasn’t much action so I started taking my stuff back. Luckily its raining today so I know for sure they aren’t setting up again. I wonder how long that free junk will sit out there.

As for me, I’m going to put my stuff and the tables back, which is all in my livingroom right now, and tidy up the messes I made pulling out stuff to get at stuff.  We all have too much stuff.

Now today’s prompt is up and it’s sequaicious; same meaning as obsequious. Nope, can’t cram it into this post. I’ll throw this into the ocean of blogs like a letter in a bottle.

I reads, “Help me! I’m a stranger in a strange land!”

 

 

RDP: not fair!

Life is not fair. There are those in the world who are well off, get all the perks of life and live long, happy lives. They are usually white and well-off to begin with but not always. There are just as many raised white and well-off that get knocked down at every turn. Especially since the middle class has all but disappeared. The line is now drawn between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have not’s’ and gap widens.

It has been proven that a basic income of $1400 a month has taken people off of welfare and got them into productive and happy lives. It works! It’s given people pride and a sense of worth. It helps them dream of higher goals and reach those goals. It helps them give their children better lives, better futures.

However, our new conservative provincial leader has scrapped it. It was being tested in Hamilton (and was a success) so there are people who got on their feet, got apartments and jobs who are now getting knocked back down; unable to afford rent and child care.

This made me mad but it was yesterday I got furious. Doug Ford lived up to one of his campaign promises, “A Buck a Beer!”  Yeah, that’s what we need, cheaper beer! But it’s not that; it’s what he said that blew my mind;

He said he wanted to give Ontarians ‘more hope’.  a buck a beer. Sorry, I’m crossed-eyed again with fury.

Perhaps it means you can now afford to drink away your troubles. But heaven forbid you should buy beer if you are ‘on welfare’. That wouldn’t be fair to those hard-working tax payers.

How about getting everyone on the same playing field? How about making life a little more fair.

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https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/08/28/rdp-tuesday-prompt-fair/

SoCS: notice

Last night I noticed I had a big lump behind my knee. I never noticed it before; can’t feel it when I bend my knee. My knee has been sore and swollen but I thought it was the regular old-age-knee-ache syndrome that comes and goes. And I had to notice it on a Friday night.  I’ve been at the health centre almost every day for the past two weeks because the course I’m taking (Senior Fitness Training) and my Opening Doors group is in the same room and I had to notice it on a Friday night.

Today I am going to Bluesfest with my sister. There is a notice of severe thunder storms for exactly the hours we want to be there. Have you even noticed when you plan something in advance, you bring on rain?

I reminds me of the night last year when they had the Tragically Hip concert on a big screen at the Bandstand on the Beach. It was a beautiful setting, lovely sunset but with obvious rain clouds coming in. At first it was just a few drops, ah its just water. Then it came down harder and harder. The wind got so bad the screen blew around and rain was coming into the projection tent so they had to shut it down. There was a mass exodus of people trying to get back to their cars they parked in town away from the beach. We all got completely soaked but it was kind of fun there were so many people.

But at least it was free. The Bluesfest costs money and my sister already bought tickets. We are taking chairs, towels and umbrellas now that we have more experience with concerts in the rain but it doesn’t look good. It’s not just rain forecasted; its big, fierce yellow and red radar clouds passing over London in waves. Sonofabitch.

I’m also missing out on a garage sale with my neighbours. I only found out about it this week and I was too busy with homework to get stuff together. I wouldn’t even know about it except I went over to see how my neighbour was doing. ‘Oh yeah and we are having a campfire, too.’ If I hadn’t gone over there, I wouldn’t know anything about either. It’s probably ‘too hard’ to walk all the way back here a say ‘hello, we’re having a garage sale.’

Right now it is dark and the thunder is starting. I hope they cancel the garage sale until next week. I really want to get rid of stuff but not on this short notice.

Then I hope the storm passes through quickly and lets us have the concert. At least I can get something good for dinner. I’ve been given a lot of free vegetables, which is great but I’m getting sick of cooking zucchini, tomatoes, kale and/or beans every night. I want something else and someone else to cook it.

I actually would love to lie on my couch and watch TV today. That’s what I’m going to do this morning and hopefully I’ll be ready to rhythm ‘n blue rock and roll.

Yesterday was the last day of the course, Thank God, I am so sick of it! We did an exercise class at 9:00 a.m.  It was my fourth day out which is too much for this introvert. I had a headache and my knee hurt. First I walk into all the early birds chattering then she puts on the 50’s – 60’s pop hits I hate so much as I listened to the same ones every day all summer at work.

As I walked past the music player blasting, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to!” I had a fantasy of smashing it with a baseball bat; way too much sensory overload. I will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER do an exercise class that early!

Have you ever notice early birds think that they are better and infer that you sleep in too late? That yoga teacher told us every day that she got up at 5:30 and the 10:00 classes were “too late!”   The first time she said it I said, “I get up early but I don’t like going out early”  I only said it once. Every time she said it after that I just thought “Good for you”  which progressed to “we know already” and then a mental “Shut the f*#k up”

When she said in very superior tone that she “doesn’t watch TV” I wasn’t surprised.

Luckily we will never see each other at exercise class!

I noticed I’m rambling….

Very nice new badge!

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https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/24/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-25-18/

SoCS: maniacal

ican’t sleep with my window open at night due to the maniacal tree frogs. They are so loud they drown out the maniacal crickets. Holy Moly, it’s a frenzy out there!

Remember back in the spring when the leopard frogs make their pretty musical song? Nothing like these harsh, deafening, rhythmic arguments going on here. And they are all over the place.

When they first started I though I had one in my ‘storage’ room (storage: where you put a lot of junk). I tore it apart looking for the damn thing until I thought to open the window. My ears were pierced by the sound of it right outside, on the side of my house.

Crickets can ‘throw’ their chirps. I swear they can find a spot where they echo. If my window is open, there is one that sounds like it’s in the bedroom. Go to the window, confirm its outside. Get back in bed; sounds in the room.

The tree frogs are somewhat quiet in the morning; the crickets are drowned out by the awaking cicada’s. They sing together making one continuous sound.

Living in the woods is noisy!

Its the ‘end of the summer’ sound. At first summer is light, airy and soft green. Now its harsh and heavy, too bright making its last burst of energy. Gone is the magic.

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Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “-ic or -ical.” Find a word that uses the suffix “-ic” or “-ical.” Bonus points if you use both. Have fun!

Oh boy, I get bonus points!

https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-18-18/

RDP: fungible

Fungible? That’s a new one for me. Is it real? Is it something that has potential to grow fungus?

A tumour grew on my head for my whole life. It looked like a bald spot: I was told was a birthmark. Of course when I was a teenager I lived in fear that the wind would blow and someone would see it! The horror! Someone behind me going, “Hey! You have a bald spot!” was beyond humiliation. The older I got; the less I cared.

Sometimes it would change and get itchy but every doctor would say, “We’ll keep an eye on that.” It even went black once….. “We’ll keep an eye on that.” he said again.

When I moved to this area I got a new doctor who wanted to get a better look at it. He wanted to burn it off.

He did it in his office with local anesthetic. It turned out to be more than he anticipated and found a tumour had been growing with my hair in and through it so only the top was ever visible. It was much bigger than he thought and he removed a big lump. I had a huge burn hole on my head. When the freezing came out it was excruciating and I only had Tylenol.

He called me in for a second burning.

He said, “You wouldn’t believe what I took off your head, I sent it to the University.”

(and damn it, I wish he’d shown it to me!)

He read out the medical terms for what it was but what burned into my memory was ‘fungal’. It was partially fungal.

Now there is no birth mark, no bald spot. That thing grew on my head my whole life and it was fungible.

Okay, I just looked up the meaning of fungible; it as a way different meaning! Since I already wrote this, I think I like my definition better.

fungible; (of goods contracted for without an individual specimen being specified) able to replace or be replaced by another identical item; mutually interchangeable.

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https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/08/12/rdp73-fungible/