RDP: missing

Do you ever get the feeling that you are missing something or someone but don’t know what or who it is? Not FOMO on some current event but missing that lost love or place you can’t quite remember.

Some would say that was the soul in its constant longing to return to its source. We looking outside of ourselves while what we long for is deep inside us.

Sometimes in the past, I would think I missed my ex-husband. We were married for 28 years and did have some good times and great adventures. When I hadn’t seen him in a long time, I could revert him back (in my mind) to the man I married; the man he was in front of other women. Then I would see him again and be reminded, “Oh yeah, this is who he really is.”  I was missing a fantasy.

I’m missing a best friend I never met. I’ve moved a lot in my life and have good friends ‘out there’ and, gosh darn it, people like me. But I don’t have that bestie partners-in-crime, hang-out with, friend. Unfortunately, my husband was my best friend for 28 years.

I did learn to be my own best friend.  I do enjoy my own company. (I’m a hoot) Today me and myself is going to TOWN. Not just town but London, I need the maximum shopping experience today. I need selection.

Another person would be a burden as I flit from store to store; looking for the elusive perfect thing. . .  that I’m missing.



SoCS: a pen

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “blue.” Talk about the first blue object you see when you sit down to write your post.

The first blue object I see is a pen from my local Community Health Centre. It’s last year’s model because I recently got a new red pen from them.

I’ve got quite a few pens from the health centre because I’ve signed up for so many things. This place has so many great programs and for FREE. Just to help you be healthy. Finally health care providers are coming to realize the value of keeping people healthy in the first place to avoid getting sick!

This blue pen is probably from joining Opening Doors; a mental health program. Every program requires filling out forms, health information and waivers then you keep the pen.

Sometimes you get a whole kit of stuff. My new red pen came inside a blue canvas shopping bag that says, “Everyone matters”. Inside was all kinds of information on osteoporosis and all the exercises we learned in the class. This program is called ‘Boosting Balance and Bone Health’. Its every Monday for 5 weeks.

It was a full house, unlike the other class I joined up for on Mondays where only two of us showed up. Its in the morning; 10:30 – 11:30 which is as early as I will do a class. Its called ‘Bust a Move’. Nobody really knew what it was; the flyer looked like it was dancing.  Its playing with all kinds of percussion instruments.

I know; percussion instruments in the morning? I wondered if my brain would not like that but I was OK. It was fun. I hope more people show up on Monday.

Great programs for free and they have good pens, too.




SoCS: weigh, way, whey

I was skinny most of my life. In my 40’s I still only weighed barely over 100 lbs. (Canadians still use the old fashioned weight for our weight; we never switched over to ‘stones’ as they do in the U.K.)

It used to really bug me when people would say, “You’re so skinny! You should eat more!”

So rude; I can’t imagine ever saying to someone, “You’re so fat! You shouldn’t eat so much!”

Many, many women, who I didn’t even know, would tell me they hated me. I could be just eating a chocolate bar out somewhere and some woman would spit, “I hate you!”  Yes, this happened many times.

Actually, I didn’t eat enough because my ex would hassle me when I ate. He also had me so stressed most of the time: I later learned that I lived in ‘fight or flight’ mode for a long time. My stomach was in knots most of the time. I had to work, work, work; leisure was bad. That was the way we lived. We kept bees and worked at markets on weekends so there were no days off.

Not any more! We broke up 12 years ago. It took me at least 2 years to get his voice out of my head. I still felt guilty if I took a day off. I did it…. but felt guilty. I had to keep repeating to myself that I can do whatever I want now. I still have to tell myself I’m not lazy when I hear it creeping in.

As fate would have it; his pressure-filled lifestyle and bad eating habits have caught up with him: he has a collapsed esophagus and is doing nothing about it. He lives on Boost and Ensure. If he eats anything solid, he throws up.

I didn’t see him for two years because he didn’t want to tell me how sick he was. When he did finally tell me and come to visit I was shocked at how skinny he was. The first words out of his mouth were, “Are you ever fat!”

He is a foot taller and weighs the same as me.

I gained my weight the way most people do: by relaxing and eating! I now have a belly and I don’t care. This is the way I live now!


I used to make my own paneer from fresh, unpasteurized milk and feed the whey to my dog and cats.





RDP: ameliorate

Ameliorate; to make something, such as a problem, better, less painful, etc.   To make better or more tolerable.  

It’s a perfect prompt to tell my tale; I ameliorated my weekend and may have lost a couple of friends in the process. I cancelled a weekend that was looking not good for me although I probably did not ameliorate it for them.

It started out with a friend who had been here and said she wanted to bring another friend. This other friend told me there was another friend also wanted to visit. Then I suggested a little party.

The second friend said he was too busy and the original friend just stopped writing. The third friend wrote to book him into a local motel for 3 days. I haven’t talked more than a few words to this guy since I knew him 45 years ago. I quickly discovered his attitude towards women hasn’t changed one bit.

On the other hand; I have changed so much that he doesn’t even know who I am AND doesn’t seem to care.

It started with “how’s my little M____?”  and signed ‘Big V’. I tried to ignore it but it continued. I would joke: “I’m not that little anymore” and “I’m much bigger than I appear”. He did not take the hint.

Then “M____ Baby” started. And very little discussion about what he had planned this weekend. We are totally different, totally different lifestyles and I do not know what he expects. For instance; when it was more people, I said they could cook meat outside but I don’t have a BBQ.  Nothing. No word about if he’s going to do that or eat in restaurants or expects me to cook him vegetarian while he makes fun of it: his short e-mails were superficial and demeaning: subtle put-downs.

Still no word from my original ‘friend’. I would do this weekend if she came but her lack of response told me she probably will not.

I wrote a fairly long, newsy e-mail to the guy so I could politely inject, “please don’t call me Baby, I really don’t like it.”

He had already made fun of my long letters (trying to get some information) and said, “We’ll talk closer to when I’m coming.” instead of telling me a damn thing.  This time he just responded, “Is that all you have to say?”  making fun of my long letter.

I did not respond, I stewed over it for a couple of days. I tried to reach my first friend again, “Do you want to come or not?” No response.

The next morning I cancelled the guy. I also went to the motel and paid the fee they wanted for cancelling. He was terse; “please send me proof of cancellation” which I did.

He may be mad but I am so relieved that I ameliorated this weekend. If I lost any friends then they weren’t very good friends to begin with.




SoCS: couch


Well, Hell . . . anyone who reads my posts knows I got a new couch. I wrote about it and posted a photo before but I’ll do it again because today’s prompt is ‘couch.’

I really love it. It has a high back so I can use my neck pillow when I put my feet up on the matching ottoman. Sorry, if I sound braggy but this is a big deal for me. I had my nephew’s first couch that he gave me 12 years ago: a big sectional. The back was the same height as the big padded arms. It needed cardboard under the cushions because it was broken down. It was low, so you fell into it. That made passing out very easy when you laid down. Oh, it was so comfortable lying down on that old couch!

This one is high; when I first sat on it my feet didn’t touch the floor! The cushions are a lot stiffer, of course, they’re new. I’m bouncing on them a little to break them in.

The guy who sold it to me told me the ottoman should be 1″ lower than the couch. I thought he was just selling me a random ottoman but he was right; it is better that one inch lower. Not only perfect height for putting your feet up but when lying down, its the perfect height for putting food in your mouth and keeping the remotes within hand reach.

One problem, or sort of two: the rug now looks old and grubby and its the wrong tone. And I had my antique Singer treadle machine at the end of my old couch which fit beside the sectional perfectly. Now there’s no couch on that side; its just stuck out there awkwardly. That divides the entrance from the living room with a big plant on top and that’s where I leave my keys and sunglasses and such; I need something there.

This would make some women very happy that they could go out and shop for this stuff. Not I. It means going to TOWN and spending money. The rug and treadle machine stay until I stumble upon a good deal. It’s good enough.

I’ve already posted a photo of it so I don’t even have to download one. When I picked out the fabric I bought ‘Navy Linen’. After it arrived I realized it looks like denim, which is OK!

I took paint samples up to the furniture store to get the colour just right. Oh yeah, those tones are important to me.


Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “couch” Use it as a noun or a verb.


SoCS: out it goes

On my kitchen counter there is a can of OFF! Usually I would not allow a toxic chemical in my kitchen but this is length I have to go to remind me of things.

Today is the Household Hazardous Waste Depot- Mobile Event and this time I’m not going to forget. I had the notice on my fridge but I get blind to things on my fridge so last night I took the flyer, printed from Facebook, put it on the counter with a can of OFF! on it.  No way could I walk by this on my way to coffee and not see it.

I have years worth of empty aerosol cans; bug sprays,  hair products, cleaning products. There’s a box of spent batteries and a lot of painting refuse I’m not sure I can put it the bin. I collect all kinds of garbage because I’m not sure how to “throw it away” . .  . can’t use that phrase anymore. Where’s ‘away’? Even our outer space is filling up with junk.

So my mission for this morning is to go through all those creepy places under the sinks and get this crap out of here.


Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “preposition” Start your post with any preposition. Bonus points if you end with one too.



It’s really hard to co-ordinate a party for people who live far away. I have tried and failed. My old gang from Toronto likes to have re-unions and I’ve suggested my place but its far in Southwestern Ontario which isn’t Muskoka; the favourite destination.

Recently they started to show interest in coming here and I got sucked into trying again. Why would someone write about coming when they already know they are not coming? I can’t stand flakey people.

So I put it in someone else’s hands. People can co-operate and co-ordinate with him if they want to. . .  I’ll be here if they feel like visiting.

Eventually they will find out this is a good place to party!

Too bad ‘co’ had to be a prefix because I got my new couch! Yesterday I had my first afternoon nap on it. It looks so big and new. Now I want to buy a new rug to co-ordinate with it.





Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “co-” Find a word that uses “co” as a prefix and use it ihttps://lindaghill.com/2019/08/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-17-19/n your post.



SoCS: where

“Wheeere the boys are . . .  someone waits for me.”  I have this affliction that may be in my DNA because my sister has it bad. Any word or phrase can start a song; a song you haven’t heard for decades but there is it. I see ‘where’ and Connie Francis is in my head before I can even think.

And that phrase means nothing to me. I don’t want to be where the boys are, YUCK! And I’m pretty convinced that no one is waiting for me. If they are, they won’t find me because I stay home most of the time.

This habit of the brain may be contagious. I have a friend with it, she’s the one I hadn’t seen in 50 years and we’ve reconnected. She said when she was young she wished she was in our family. She remembered my dad sitting at the piano cracking jokes. Maybe she picked it up from us.

She said her daughter complained that she found a song in almost every conversation. Oh, it can be very frustrating when you are trying to talk, I know.

I said my sister has that affliction so I’m going to test her (my friend).

“I was on my way to Parkhill and saw two bald eagles sitting in a tree!”

I could see my friend starting to twitch, she chewed on her tongue and rolled her eyes. Finally she could take it no longer:


Well, its not a song but its a singsong. They’re just as bad.

You know where I’m going today? No where!


Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “where.” Start your post with the word “where” and write whatever comes to you. Bonus points if you end your post with “where” too.


SoCS: astronomical

You know what’s astronomical? The cost of replacing windows. My living room windows are so awful but to replace them would be so many thousands of dollars there is no way I can ever do that.

You know what else is astronomical? Rent. I have a friend who got an apartment in our local small town. $800 a month plus hydro (electricity). WTF?

So why in hell would I complain that I can’t replace my windows? I should be ashamed of myself!

It bugs me so much that some people have so much money while others can barely survive. I’m very lucky to be in the middle with a home of my own!

I look one way and see the astronomical amount of money spent on luxury bullshit then look the other way and see so many people struggling to make ends meet.

Affordable housing is right behind climate change as a very pressing issue!

Tax these astronomically wealthy people and corporations and give poor people a basic income and affordable housing!


Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “astronomical.” Use it any way you like.


RDP: odour

First of all you are spelling it wrong: the correct spelling is odour. Odor just doesn’t look right.

I’m in luck; the heat has broken (somewhat) so I will be able to paint with the windows open. Its not just an odour with paint, its toxic fumes that give you a headache. Its a sharp chemical smell that stays in your brain.

Its been 6 days preparing to paint my living room. I’m going out of my ever-loving, freaking mind. It took two days just to wash the walls. I just want to get this done.

The painting goes pretty fast compared to all the prep. I started painting yesterday. It was 3:00 by the time I finished taping and I was punchy, stumbling tired but I had to start painting even if it was just a little bit.

I was worried about having to keep my windows closed, circulating the fumes with my air conditioner.

Today and tomorrow I can paint with the windows open! That will really help with the odour.