Another Day Off

Another day off. This has been wonderful having this many days off.  The town I work in is crazy busy in the summer with beach goers then it dies down dramatically on Labour Day.  There are a lot of retired people left until January when 50% of them go somewhere warm.  Business is very slow so our hours at work are cut way back.

They keep saying they are going to put me on cash….. they’ve been saying it since August then keep hiring new cashiers.  Yesterday they asked me again would I be available for more shifts. YES, I said for the 100th time.

But in all honesty; I LOVE THIS!  I had four days off, worked for four hours yesterday and now I have 3 days off.  I get many weekends off as we have students working part time. Getting a weekend off in the summer has to be ‘written in the Book’ two weeks in advance.

I’m working on a jigsaw puzzle and that’s all I want to do; get my basic chores done then sit with my puzzle.

The sun is supposed to shine on me in the afternoon, that’s the plan, but we have had no sun for weeks. It’s going to warm up and rain this week, too.  We are so sun starved I would take cold and snow over this anyday.  As  matter of fact, it’s what I didn’t like about living in Vancouver. I longed for that sun blinding you off crisp blue snow; the gardens completely hidden until spring.

As long as you don’t have to drive to work in snow squalls off Lake Huron.

Well, I’m off to do some basic chores so I can get out my puzzle.  If I stay home I don’t spend any money or use any gas. I live to stay home another day!



Feeling a bit odd today.  I worked yesterday 3:00 to 9:00, home at 9:25. Watched Dateline; I had taped it because there are too many commercials and it started at 9:00.  Feel asleep before the ending and woke up around 2:00 a.m. Went to bed and couldn’t fall asleep.

Why do we still call it ‘taping’? There is no tape involved in a PVR.

It’s sunny today and I slept in until 9:00. I can’t waste anymore time down here at my computer when there is a day to be had. I even want to clean….. that’s odd.

I’m going to follow the sun around my house with a vacuum cleaner. There are some seriously scary cobwebs that have been hidden in the winters’ gloom. The ones above the woodstove are black.

When I tire of that, I will go for a walk, maybe even on the beach as it’s not windy, then sit in the afternoon sun and work on my jigsaw puzzle.

Boy, I would edit the hell out of this but I can’t.

got to go…… I have a lot to do today.


Rarely Bored

Yawn. What Bores You?”  This was yesterday’s prompt but I left the computer early yesterday and like this better than todays: “What’s the longest time you’ve ever been away from your favourite person”   Ha!

I rarely ever get bored but I did yell out “This is boring!” trying to watch a movie called “A Most Wanted Man”. I kept running it back because I wasn’t paying attention to the dialogue then realized, it’s not me….. this is boring.

That happened again when I was watching Billions. Every time they started talking about stocks and numbers my mind would go elsewhere. But  I stuck with it because I like Paul Giamatti.  I found you don’t really have to pay attention to the numbers so it’s OK, the story line looks good.

Chit Chat bores the hell out of me. I don’t like small talk or chatting on the phone. (At least on the phone I can roll my eyes.) The answering machine gets anything important. Texting is so much better than talking. Say what you’ve got to say and no more than necessary, please.

I have a part-time job and with it being January I’m only getting 2 or 3 shifts a week but that’s perfect. I always have things to do here; things I have to do and things I want to do.  I do housework for a couple of hours then relax and/or walk (if I’m not working of course) in the afternoon.

My ex-husband used to say “You sure can entertain yourself”.  So true! My mom used to say, “Learn to enjoy your own company”.   Hmmm. May be some mixed messages there but it still worked out well for me.  I live alone and enjoy doing whatever I want… within my work schedule and budget.

I maintain and add to my landscaping in the spring and summer. In the Fall I put away firewood that I have delivered in September. January to March I work on jigsaw puzzles to get the afternoon sun as it comes back up. Getting that sun is crucial to mental health, I’m taking Vit. D now and trying to catch any afternoon rays which have been few and weak.

Today is sunny and I’m working 3:00 to 9:00. I’ll do some vacuuming (now that I can see how bad it is), tidy up, bring in firewood and maybe do a few pieces of the puzzle before going into work.

Tomorrow is going to be sunny and I’m not working. Oh, boy! Walk on the trail behind my house, work on the puzzle in the afternoon…… ah, life is good.

its all in the organization
its all in the organization

Clearing the Debris

Yesterday I wrote a post about being burned by a ‘friend’ I was helping out. I’ve cleared away a lot of bad feelings and my nerves are calming down but those traumatic moments replay over and over in my head.

I don’t feel good at all throwing out a person who had no where to go but this woman was Trouble.  She has a father,  sister, daughter and granddaughter in the town where she is supposed to be looking for a job and finding a place to live. She was on Social Assistance and was applying for unemployment insurance.  Friends were helping her giving her a place to stay.

But she did not look for a job. She talked about getting her old career back as an advocate for native youth.  Apparently she did this in Alberta and was overly well-paid. That’s why she hated the bakery so much, it’s so uncool to have to wear a uniform and put the labels on in the right place and all that shit. Tell me about it, lady.

When we all started helping her she had started volunteer work advocating for a youth on the local reserve. She wanted, more than anything, to live on or near the reserve.

Meanwhile she used up everyone helping her, by lying and manipulating, and ended up back in town. She alienated all her family. She was kicked out of the shelter for mouthing off to the people who ran it. I overheard her talking to her Social Assistance counsellor so rudely, bullshitting like crazy, then hangs up and says, “fucking bitch, she’s the one that got me kicked out of the shelter”.

I knew she was sleeping with someone on the reserve and was lying about where she was going to use my car to go see him. I started to get suspicious because he didn’t have a car and she couldn’t stay with him because it was his mom’s house.  Yes, people, the youth she is advocating for is the person she’s sleeping with. It turns my stomach.

After I told her she no longer had use of my car she started to have a temper tantrum. I just said, “I don’t fight” “I don’t argue”.  She was having a shit-fit and phoned somebody on her cell (that some ‘friend’ had bought and set up for her, but she wanted my landline to phone her counsellor) and started screaming her whole story over again. I got bundled up to go for a walk on the trails so I didn’t have listen to her screaming and swearing. As I was dressing she yelled, “….. and I was kicked off the Rez and I’m not allowed back……”

So she was using my car to get on the ‘Rez’ again. That’s my car spotted by the reserve police wherever she is going. (Since then I’ve been told she’s been hanging out with a local drug dealer)

I could tell there had been another person in my car because of the mess left from melted boots in the passenger side. There was MacDonald’s milkshake container left in there….. we don’t have a MacDonald’s around here……. she drove back into town. And in terrible weather.

When I got back from my walk I could hear her outside, because she had the bedroom window open so she could smoke cigarettes while she was ranting on the phone. I brought in firewood and said nothing.

She comes out of her room; “OK. I’m walking to reserve to go get cigarettes. It’s going to get dark and I might get raped or killed but I don’t care………..”

“OK, Bye”

She had the car for four hours that morning and forgot to get cigarettes?  No, she had planned to ‘go get cigarettes’ after I did the grocery shopping and filled the empty gas tank so she could get the car for the evening.

Of course she doesn’t come back or message me.  She’s out in the dark somewhere walking.  I ran a bath and did something I would never do……. have a bath with the front door open, just in case she came back. I was in the bath around 8:30 when the phone rang, I let the machine get it;

“I found somewhere to stay overnight so I could give you a break. talk to you in the morning”

I waited the next day, trying to live my life like I normally would, only I’m a mess! She’s waiting until it’s almost dark knowing I won’t throw her out! Finally around 3:30 she messages me “could she come and get her phone charger?”

I messaged back “you can come and get all your stuff”

“OK, thanks”

Someone drove her here and waited while she took her stuff. I refused to engage in any conversation. Hearing the way she twists and manipulates stories, I didn’t want to accuse or blame or say anything she’d use later.  I knew I would end up on her long list of “fucking bitches”.

Damn right I am.

This episode brought back PTSD for me. I lived with verbal abuse and negativity. Her being here brought it all back.  Living with jangled nerves, stomach in knots, unable to think clearly……. fight or flight……  I lived that way for so many years. I’m still getting back on my feet……. the wounds were deep, the scars have not healed.

She stole from me but I’m not surprised. That would be her last passive-aggressive ‘punishment’ for not being manipulated. I’m OK with that…… she’ll feel like she had the last word and sure as hell won’t come back.  It’s nothing of value,  I made sure that was all hidden.

I just hope to hell she didn’t take a piece of my jigsaw puzzle……. if there is 999 pieces I’m going after her!





What a Week


What a great opportunity to get some crap out of my head. The SoCS prompt is ‘What‘ which is perfect for launching my rant. Because it is Stream of Consciousness, I have to take a deep breath and type it out in sequence, not to be edited.

Some of you who follow me know I was helping out an ex c0-worker who was staying nearby in a trailer with no running water.  She had left her abusive mate and was given a trailer to stay in until she could get a place. I said she could come to my place for showers, laundry and filling water containers. It was getting to be too much and I heard no plans to change anything.

Then suddenly she was out of the picture. I tried to contact her a few times then gave up.

Last Monday I got home from work and doing errands after, I was really tired. On my answering machine was a message; “Hi,…. we should catch up!”

“Not now” I said to the machine and laid down for a nap. The phone rang, I let the machine answer, “….. I have nowhere to stay, I’m in a donut shop, I can get a friend to drive me to your place…….”

What a bummer. And what a dupe I am. After I hung up I realized she doesn’t have a car and she’s coming here….. far away from ‘town’. What the F#*K?


This is going to take too long. Here’s the précis; I said ‘a couple of days’. She used my car and stayed out way later than she said…. both days and not looking for a job. My gas tank was emptied while I waited here, fuming, so I could go get groceries.  I told her time was up and she had to leave. We started to argue until I said, “I don’t fight” and stopped responding.   She found a place to stay that night and got her stuff the next day.

But it wasn’t that easy; my nerves where shot, my heart rate was crazy, I could feel my pulse in my neck…… not good!  All I knew was I wasn’t going to work on Friday morning with her still in my house.  I told myself I wouldn’t talk about it at work but I couldn’t help myself because the trauma of the whole week was still on my mind.

What a week….. it’s been a bad week for a lot of people! What‘s up with that? Mercury in retrograde with a vengeance!

I’ll write more details about some other time. I finally started to unwind my nerves at work yesterday and realized I was exhausted. Last night I had the best sleep in days and slept in until 8:30 this morning. I don’t have to work and the sun is out. I have a jigsaw puzzle to work on.

What a gigantic relief!  But I won’t say I’m happy…… just hugely relieved, doing deep breathing and smudging the negativity out of my house.

I’m going to enjoy my day now…….  notice how I didn’t say “What a bitch!” because I did say it a whole lot this week.


Soil Her Britches

I was all set to get off my computer but saw this prompt and laughed out loud. I have to write this quick response.

If one of your late ancestors were to come back from the dead and join you for dinner, what things about your family would this person find the most shocking?

GG grandma

I’m not sure who she is; she’s in a shoe box full of photos and no one is alive to remember.  What great entertainment that would be to have her come over for dinner.  She would come to my house which I live in by myself because I left my husband. I very rarely wear dresses.  We aren’t eating meat for dinner, that would pretty shocking.

Even though I’m the ‘old-hippy-pot-head-on-my-own-crazy-person’ of the family, my upstanding, straight-laced  teacher sister would have that old lady swooning.

My sister married an Indian, (native) and had a baby. Then she married another Indian and had another baby. Her children are half-breeds! Then she married and divorced again.  Now she lives with someone else and they have a legal co-habitation agreement.

This was shocking stuff 100 years ago! Now it’s  modern-families

Sorry, to my sister and niece for making fun. love you.




That’s a good definition of how my life feels right now…. like it’s on ‘pause’. I’ve been lucky to have these days off over the New Year’s considering I work in a grocery store that’s open every day except Christmas Day.

Also lucky my sister’s friend invited me over for a games night New Year’s Eve. Lots of good food, no drunks and a fun night playing Balderdash.  But I wish I had my own friends who did drink a little more, smoked pot and didn’t have to spell the “‘f’ word”.

It’s hard to be with people who have more money, too.  They have nice furniture, renovated kitchen and bathrooms, go on vacations, have children and friends they do things with……. then there’s poor me.  No mate, no kids, working for minimum wage just to make ends meet……  they feel bad for me and that feels shitty.  But it’s sure better than staying home to watch TV another night.

The woman I was helping out has disappeared. She was crossing the line using me too much and knew it. Listening to her constant list of ‘fucking bitches’ (her words) I knew it would be just a matter of time before I was on that list.  I tried to call her a few times but no answer…. even in the morning. That’s enough: I’m not chasing after trouble.

I made my best effort inviting a few women I know over for games and/ or a walk her but they are busy or don’t even respond. Another failed attempt at making friends.  I officially give up….. but I’ve said that before.

I couldn’t wait to get my tree down yesterday. New Year’s Day I get rid of  Christmas decorations to mark a New Year. The tree which brings such joy before Christmas looks sad and garish by New Years. I’ve been living here long enough to have my own traditions ….. take down the tree, bring out the jigsaw puzzle and wait for the afternoon sun to come back. There is a space in the cedars that lets it in about 2:00.  Every day it gets a little higher: in another month it will get above the cedars and I’ll be basking in afternoon sun.

Today is the last day of ‘holidays’. ha! I work for 5 hours tomorrow then get four more days off. It’s nice life if you can afford it. The only thing that marks this as holidays is that I’m getting chocolates on sale and not doing housework.

Tomorrow I’ll press the ‘forward’ button and go to work. Monday I will start doing housework and organizing and maybe even go to a bigger town to shop. An excursion. oh boy. something to look forward to. It would be way more fun with ‘mad money’ and not hot-flashing because I spent too much at SuperStore.

Today I will get out for walk, work on my puzzle and watch the episode of Game of Thrones I couldn’t stay awake for last night. Catch up for tonight’s three hours of G of T. Damn, that’s a good show!

Will Netflix run Season 5 of Downton Abby? I sure hope so.

Well, pals out there in cyberspace, nice talkin’ to ya.

I sure hope it is a Happy New Year!


“Pause” reminds me of the Pitbull number we do at Zumba. Dancing is the best thing for depression. It was nice to take a ‘pause’ and be excited about getting back, dancing and laughing with friends!

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