In My Yard

I just had four glorious days off and didn’t get nearly as much done as I wanted to. In the morning I imagine all the things I’m going to do in my yard but then burn out too soon.

It started out too hot this week, that’s how nice its been. I had to wear long sleeves as I have no sunscreen; went out twice and forgot it twice. The next days were perfect for working; I moved some things, pruned some things, weeded some things…. anything to just be outside.

I have a very big yard, it’s the size of two or three regular city back yards. I’ve been working on making different areas that you walk into and around. My imagination, however, is way beyond what I can do once I actually start digging. I just don’t have the stamina to work like I did when I was younger. That should come as no surprise but it sure is disappointing. Since I started this job 3½ ago, the grass has been taking over some of my past work and digging out sod is damn hard!

I was going to start spring cleaning this week, too, but didn’t.  I did the usual daily maintenance but just enough to get out into the yard. Then I’m only good for a few hours and its nappy time. Oh man, that’s a good day!

Yesterday I was sitting on my garden bench pruning thyme when I saw a huge tick running across my sleeve towards my wrist. So gross! I flicked it off and pruned a bit more but couldn’t stand it. I had to run inside, totally strip, and check out my back with a hand mirror. I hadn’t been in the woods or tall grass so be vigilant!

Well, it’s cool and rainy today so that makes it a little easier to drag myself into that fake world of fluorescent lights, music, announcements, noise, customers, while wearing very uncomfortable clothing…. and that damn hat. Torture!

Next week I have the same four days off. I’m going to get so much done…….


Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “yard.”

Courage to Love

This is a great inspirational post from ‘theywalkthenight’. I started to write a post on this subject but can’t put my thoughts down coherently today. Luckily it’s one-liner Wednesday and this says it all very succinctly. (With a little fiddling and a few commas you could make it one line)


I Put a Spell on You

“I put a spell on you because you’re MINE. You better stop the things yur doin’, Look out! I aint’ lyin'”

One of my all time favourite songs. How many people have done that song? It’s raw and powerful…. you feel the passion. I love to sing it, too.

Written by Screaming Jay Hopkins, beautifully sung by Nina Simone, later brought to my generation through Creedence Clearwater Revival and recently by Annie Lennox.  That’s what kind of singer you have to be. No cutesy Taylor Swift or Adrianna Grande could pull this off.

My ex husband visited me this week. It was nice and polite and a great reminder of how well I’m doing now. At one time I sang this song to him in my head but now it’s long past that. He didn’t change his evil ways and we separated.

I worked four days this week and he visited me on my day off so I’m worn down.  I have today off to re-couperate, re-group and reflect. After all, it’s still Mercury in retrograde.

I think I’ll go look back a few of my favourite versions. This is my stream of consciousness.



Yeah, I ain’t gonna take no more of your putting me down. Ain’t gonna take no more of your messing around.  But good luck, honey, you’re no longer mine.

Cranky Mood

The Saturday Stream of Consciousness’ prompt is “moo” and the Daily Post Prompt is ‘cranky’. Talk about handing me that on a silver platter; I’m already in a cranky mood.

It’s Easter Long Weekend and I have to go in to work this afternoon and evening. Right now it’s cloudy and foggy but this afternoon its going to be sunny and 24 degrees. (75 F) I’m going to put on those horrible clothes, go to the back of the store and deal with the hoards that will march by today, ransacking the bakery, demanding the perfect food.

The worst are the ladies over 50 with lists. A look of panic on their face as they approach me; “Do you have ________?”   “Oh, Thank God! You’ve saved my life!” 

Worse if you don’t have the thing they want, “OH NO! What am I going to DO?”

I’m expecting the phone to ring anytime now to ask me to come in early. I’ll have a ton of work and a ton of dishes and I’ll be lucky to get out at 7:00. Grrr.

(Happy thought; next Easter I won’t be there!)


My toolbar is on the side. I hate that! There it is, now, at the side of my left eye bugging the shit out of me. I don’t know how it happened and I forget how to get it back to the bottom…… where it belongs!!!!

Luckily, I arranged to have tomorrow off weeks ago so I can go to my niece’s in Kincardine. All the kids will be there, big and small, and I’m really looking forward to it.

So my mood is merely cranky. If I was working all weekend and missing my family, my mood would be much worse.


I have find out how to move that damn toolbar back now.

Tenacious Complainer

We have a tenacious complainer at work. You must know what I mean, all workplaces have one. The person that starts telling you his/her troubles and you can’t politely break away.

The first time was in the washroom as I was preparing to start my shift. She was on a break and started to talk about her health problems. They were quite horrendous involving a lot of bowel talk so I won’t pass that on. Needless to say it was hard to cut her off and say “I have to punch in now.”

Last week my co-worker was very late back from her break. I was grumbling and checking the time. Five minutes late, she rushed back, profusely apologizing, “Sorry! I was talking to ____ and couldn’t get away! You can’t just say, ‘that’s too bad’ and leave!”

The other night I was supposed to close the bakery at 7:00 p.m.. At 6:50 I took out a large bin on wheels to throw out the loose buns and bagels. She was wheeling a produce cart. It was then I made a huge mistake: I said I liked her hair.

It was lie! It wasn’t nice at all because her hair is frazzled and it was all different colours in different places. I said it to be nice because I knew she just had it done.

“Thanks!” she said and pulled the cart around to block my aisle. She started to talk about when and where she got it done and how I should do it, too. I tried very hard to listen while I counted the buns and wrote down the numbers…..something I’m not good at. (Did I write down the bagels?)

From there she started in about her abusive husband who sits at home, very fat, and eats while she works. She pays the rent and all the bills and he calls her names.  I’ve finished the buns and want to go now. I’m staring at her with my mouth slightly open thinking, “Please stop!”.

I finally cut in, “I’m closing at 7:00.”  She looked at her watch and said, “I’m here until 9:00.” and went on!  I would have to turn my bin around and run the other way to get away from her. I pulled it up on the wheels and faced her. “I’m really happy living alone and I really want to go home.” I said.  She pulled out and slowly wheeled her way back to produce.

When I went up at 7:10 to punch out she was on her break. “Oh, Look!” I said, “Ten minutes late!”  She pursed her lips and continued eating, saying nothing. Maybe if I’m lucky she’ll give me the snub from now on.

SoSC; give, given, giving

Given the opportunity, I will stay home. One good thing about The Job is making my days off that much more enjoyable.

Like today; I’m reveling in the fact I don’t have to work today and it’s going to be warm and sunny.  Too many good afternoons were spent in back of that grocery store: the outside a distant strip of light.  People come into the store saying, “Oh, it’s so beautiful out!”  Yes, thanks for telling me.

Yesterday I went out although I really didn’t have to. It was sunny but very cold with a biting wind. I went to visit my aunt in the nursing home. We’ve been watching The Music Man in installments while she eats dark chocolate and some chips. We didn’t quite get to the ending; as soon as the 76 trombone finale started she motioned she wanted to go to the lunch room.

So I didn’t have to visit my aunt but it makes staying home today more enjoyable knowing that is behind me. It’s giving with a selfish motive.

I’ve lost my train of thought because I don’t have one. My stream of consciousness is a babbling brook.  Time to get out of this cubby and go enjoy this fabulous day I’ve been given!


On the Cusp

I am on the cusp of retirement. Is that the proper use…. the cusp of my ‘working years’? At the age of 65 we can (hopefully) retire and I am going to. This job has gotten too hard, too physical to keep going for a pittance wage. What I’m finding funny is the way people are re-acting to my retiring.

Everyone dreams of retiring but when I say I’m going to, the reactions go like this;

“Why are doing that?”

“What are you going to do?”

“Don’t you want the extra money?”

My generation is funny about his subject.  I’ve written about this before; work is not a virtue!  You are not ‘more good’ (I don’t mean better) the more you work.

My silent answer is; if you have nothing better to do than come to this place then maybe you better question your own life! This is no career; this is working hard and as fast as I can for minimum wage.

What am I going to do?  Whatever I want. If the weather is bad, I’ll stay home. When the kids announce they are coming to the beach….. I’ll be ready.  I’ll keep my house and yard tidy, exercise and relax, cook healthy meals, have a garden again, do some sewing, maybe make some lamps. What I have found that if you do all those things……. that’s a day! That is a good, productive, healthy, satisfying day. That’s not being lazy.

2018 is going to be a banner year for me! In honour of my retirement the government of Canada is legalizing marijuana! The summer of 2018 I will be experiencing freedom! (I better not have that heart attack I was ‘wishing’ for a few years ago.)

Knowing I’m on the cusp is going to get me through this summer. Pretty soon the hoards of beach-goers, cottagers and tourists will descend on our small beach town to enjoy their summer fun and leisure. My work schedule will be all can do for eight weeks.

‘One more summer’…….  that’s what I keep telling myself… one more summer.

the hoards, the hoards!

Prudent Choices

Recently I came to the realization that I have made some prudent choices in my life that I’m now a little proud of. It wasn’t all prudence, there was some luck, but I had been thinking it was all luck and someone or something was helping me along.  I still think that’s a strong possibility but now I can really see how that Higher Power is in me; not a separate entity ‘up’ or ‘out’ there somewhere.

What got me thinking about it was a recent visit to my hairdresser. (For those of you who follow me regularly; yes, I went back to the bad hairdresser.) She asked me where I lived (again) and I told her how I bought a house with the settlement from my separation.  I had lived in an area with a much higher real estate value so I was able to buy a small house outright here.

“Oh,” she said, “I wish my girlfriend had done that. She got an apartment and spend all the money in a few years and now she’s living with some guy who’s no better than that husband.”

Phew! That could have been me.

My husband said ‘he would let me come back’ after two weeks of separation. I said not unless he goes to counselling. He promised he would ‘go in the spring’. I said I would move back after he went to counselling. Then he said he would buy me out: he was better off without me. He was going to re-mortgage our paid-off house and buy me out of our business that I had helped him build for 20 years.  I could have got a lawyer to destroy his life but I took his terms. His choice, I always thought.

However, I did have a family to take me in until I could get that settlement. At that time my niece and her husband were selling their winterized cottage near the beach with a good-sized yard. Since we had owned 2 1/2 acres of prime land and an apiary was able to buy this house outright.  It was all laid out for me. Or so I had been thinking.

One of the reasons I thought it was perfect for me was that it was hidden away and surrounded by trees: I needed privacy and the peace of nature. It had a good working wood stove which is what I wanted. My husband and I only had wood heat, which is a bit of a hardship, but I loved the dry warmth of it and was very adept at keeping a home fire. The house also had a propane furnace and a flushing toilet; both luxuries compared to my old house. In many ways, it was better!

Having firewood is almost a hobby for me. I love everything about it; buying it, stacking it, carrying it, burning and poking it.  It costs me about $400 per year but if I burned propane only it would be $400 a month easily. It’s great having both; I can have my furnace warm the house up in the morning and as I’m coming home from work. But most of the day the wood stove is burning.

My car; another lucky break. My sister’s best friend’s son sold me a great car for $1500, with snow tires, that is still running well. I had help from my family buying it. Because it was so cheap my insurance is minimal. I have my oil changed when the sticker tells me to, making that choice to keep it running as long as possible.

Okay, lots of luck here. But I’ve also seen legions of people who make terrible choices. They take the easy, fast way for short term pleasure. They get mad or drunk and ruin everything for themselves. They hold grudges that keep them estranged from their families.  They let others take advantage of them over and over again. So it ‘s not  all luck. Everyday we are faced with choices.

Somewhere inside of me, even though I was feeling so messed up and lost on the outside, there was a wise person making prudent choices for which I am so grateful for now. I have always felt a higher power was helping me along but now I see how that Higher Power is in me.