Its a toss up if I’m going to write this post or not. I don’t have much to talk about so I’ll end up tossing it away.
Here in Ontario, Canada we have moved into Stage 2. Most stores are open, the beaches are open although they are too crowded. We are having a major and very long heat wave and the water is very high so I’m not going to the beach. I never did all summer anyway unless the kids were coming because I hate crowds. If its hot, its crowded.
Now crowds are something to be avoided more than ever. So I’m still in Stage 1. I go to the local grocery store once a week and stay home. I have a long morning routine; computer stuff then dishes from the night before. We have no rain in sight and its very, very hot so I water the front plants in the morning and the back plants late afternoon. I’m sew up a mask or two. I’m not selling them, I’m making them as gifts.
When I get sick of sewing I go to the TV. I have satellite TV and Netflix, always something to watch. I have food and air conditioning. I live in a nice peaceful place with birds singing, I can open the windows early in the morning before the heat sets in.
I chide myself, feel guilty, if I complain because I realize how good I have it. That’s why its a toss-up to even write this: its really hard being alone all the time. Waking up alone; doing this routine again alone; watching TV alone. It really wears on your sanity.
I’m not sure if people think I’m used to this or I like this because I’m an introvert but no one asks me how I feel. No neighbour checks in on me. I go days without even a text. But last night I got a text; asking how my sister is! WTF! Why don’t you write and ask her how she is? She can barely get a moment alone!
You know who else I hear from? My ex. I won’t even get into how much I want to toss the phone out the front door, listening to him. Its emotional torture. This is who I married. I ended up alone but somehow I still have him in my life. Again; WTF?
The heat is not helping one bit! Having to close the windows and living room curtains and stay inside is even more depressing.
See why I would want to toss this post? But I’m not going to. I need to say it.