The prompt today asks us to choose one; write a blog or read other blogs. Write. I didn’t even know what a blog was before I started. When I found out I could just write and post for free, I jumped right in.
First of all, I just like writing but I could never commit the time and attention to one thing. A blog is great for writers with Attention Deficit Disorder.
It’s the perfect forum for talking about stuff I don’t want to bore people with on Facebook. My 28-year marriage broke up 7 or 8 years ago and I’ve been on my own ever since. I still smart from the wounds every once in a while. It’s a scar that re-opens in stressful times. Living alone, I need to talk about it. It really helps to write it out and find others in similar predicaments. It’s like getting on top of a hill and yelling; “yoo hoo! I made it here!”
But I would sure miss the others…. I’d still be alone! No others yelling “yoo hoo, I’m over here… you’re not alone!” Now there are new friends: I would wonder how their lives were going.
Especially Laura L. from ‘wtf am I on about now?’. I worry about her when she doesn’t write! https://wtfaioa.wordpress.com/about/
I love Helen’s sharp wit and unique perceptions. https://helenmeikle.wordpress.com/about-2/
or Elle’s support and light-hearted look on life. https://knowleselle.wordpress.com/
When the Daily Prompt fell from grace I found this prompt for more inspiration. I don’t care if a lot of people won’t see my post: I only have about 65 followers and I suspect only a few of them actually read me. I’m writing for myself; maybe some of you will use it, too; http://theywalkthenight.wordpress.com/
There’s a good chance I wouldn’t blog for long if it was a world empty of other bloggers. Then it would just be an on-line journal.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Morton’s Fork.”
“In The Spring”
Find a piece of art that inspires you, and write about what you see.
W. P. # 27 Write about a work of art that inspires you.
The painting hanging on my living-room wall jumps to mind right away.
I took this photo last week for a writing prompt about saving your favourite things from a fire. It would be top-of-the-list.
So many things about it inspire me; I still look at it and admire it, unlike other things on my wall that I never look at unless they are dusty.
It was meant to come to me. It belonged to a friend of my sister whose apartment I visited and it was the first thing that struck me when I walked in.
“I love that painting!” I exclaimed. There was a lot of other beautiful art objects and photographs but that painting really drew me in.
A couple of years later he passed away. His family was taking almost everything but asked my sister if she wanted anything in particular. I just happened to mention I had liked that painting but knew his family would be taking everything of value. A few weeks later my niece showed up with that painting. (and a mirror the perfect size I needed for my bathroom.)
I had just bought my house with the settlement from my separation and the walls were bare. My husband kept all our ‘stuff’ and that was fine with me: I was happy to start anew. Most of the money went to buy the house so I wasn’t in any position to be buying art.
It was the perfect colours for the walls I had just painted. But then, it was all about what I liked now, and those colours attracted me. It was about creating a healing environment for myself.
When I look at it, it reminds me there is a time and place where there is peace and tranquility. It makes the monkey-mind stop chattering for a few seconds and remember to be right where I am and relax.
Also, it’s innocent. It’s from a time when a woman’s body was revered and had to earned; deserved. Just the glimpse of an ankle could give a guy a boner. But he would never kick her under the table and say, “I’ve got a boner.”
It’s not an original although it looks like it has brush strokes and not like a print; there’s a fancy name for that…. I forget.
I looked on line and found the original:
It inspires me again today in a different way. For couple of days I’ve been fretting about driving in wicked winter weather. Yesterday I worked on ‘cash’ in a grocery store that was busy with people stocking up for the Superbowl and a Superstorm. It all ended shortly before kick-off and the winds blew up. They let me go an hour early but still, the drive home was harrowing. Off the highway, on my road, I had to bash through snowdrifts: lucky I wasn’t out there an hour later!
This is what I woke up to this morning;
So the painting inspires me that spring will come. There will come a time when it’s so sunny out we’ll want to sit in the shade and just laze on the porch surrounded by fragrant flowers, sipping on tea….. or something.
I’m glad it isn’t the original because I would have to struggle with selling it. I’ve often wondered…. “at what price would I give it up?”
The Perfect Storm
For a few days I’ve been singing my private joke: (sung to Katy Perry’s Perfect Storm)
“Are you ready for , ready for….
The Superbowl, SuperBowl” .
(I wave my arms in a circular motion as if conjuring up a storm)
Now, through magic and the power of intention, I’ve brought this storm to the entire eastern continent!
Will the storm wreck the Superbowl?
It’s going to give me plenty of anxiety. I’m on cash 2:30 to 7:30. It’s more important to show up for cash because others are depending on you; the last-minute snack food frenzy could be a mob scene. This could be a very interesting cash day; maybe even (dare I say it?) fun.
It’s 8:36 as I write this and the snow is coming down. I will have to leave at 1:45 to give myself time to drive slow. For the next few hours I will be checking the Weather Channel on TV the website for radar; tracking the snow.
There might be lots of snow while I’m at work then I’ll be driving home in the dark.
Maybe it will bad enough that there is no question about not driving in. It’s that ‘in between’….. bad, but not bad enough to call in.
“Fingers crossed, fingers crossed…” now I can’t get it out of head.
It Was Alright!
Yesterday I wrote about not wanting to go into work because of the blowing snow and a wind chill of -21C. I phoned in that I would be late then phoned in again that I would be even later.
There were bands of snow that would break open to sunshine then a minute later be swirling, snowy white-outs.
I was tired of being anxious and tracking the radar so I finally left about 10:30.
It was rough going, at first, as the highway by me is flanked by fields so the snow blows straight across the roads. Further up the road is lined with trees so it wasn’t so bad. The plows, and sander/salters were out.
It turned out to be a good day. No one cared I was late as there were already 3 people on in the bakery. It worked out better for them because I stayed later giving my co-worker a chance to go home an hour early and my boss extra time for a break. He was doing a 16 hour day….. and he was in a good mood! go figure.
He’s training me on ‘breads’ (I do cakes) and was remarkably patient and nice; not his usual demeanor.
A good looking man who works in another grocery store was shopping in my store and said ‘hi’ to me. I was suddenly an adolescent; ‘He said Hi to me!!’
The drive home was blowy but the sun was setting turning all the snow into a golden haze…… it was surrealistic! I felt joy….. seriously, joy! I did good job, made it home again and experienced Beauty.
Today I’m in 11:00 to 5:00 ….. awesome hours! Time to write before I go in and now it’s still light out on the way home.
I made it through January!
Early Morning Anxiety
This is the reason I don’t like working in the winter. I’m supposed to start today at 8:00 a.m. which I hate doing even in the summer. Winter is just too hard.
We had snow all afternoon and night yesterday and now it’s blowing around. This was on Facebook this morning:
Lambton Shores Road Conditions
Plows are out but honestly you can’t tell after they have gone by as it is snowing and blowing so much. Visibility in Forest is terrible… Hate to think of what it is like outside of town. Stay home if you don’t have to go out!
I don’t know how much snow is on my car and driveway because its pitch black outside. The sun isn’t rising until 7:15 which is the time I would have to leave to drive in this crazy weather.
So I’m going to be late. I’m waiting until there’s some light before I go outside and start sweeping snow. I might even call in at 8:00 and tell them I’m not leaving for an hour or two.
What’s even worse is that I’m on 8:00 to 4:00. That’s an 8 hour day which is too long for me. When it’s an 8 hour shift you have to punch out for an hour lunch. What a waste of time. The lunch room is so freaking cold you have to sit on your coat so the vinyl chair doesn’t suck all the body heat out your ass. I’ll have to go out and shop to kill some time when I will be dying to go home.
I’m up drinking coffee and giving myself lots of time to clear snow.
I don’t wanna go!!!
I might not.
Time to Think
Hhmmm….. I wonder what I would take if I was in a panic and had to decide right then and there , what 5 objects I would take.
Right now I’m at my computer drinking a coffee and have the day off. What might be the 5 things I would take? Let’s see…. I’ll think about this while I sip on my coffee;
#1: cell phone #2: pearls #3: photos #4: painting #5: winter clothing which I would put on. (it’s probably from the woodstove so it will be cold outside.)
Well, that took a few sips. Maybe I could think clearly enough if there was a fire and I could run around the fire and collect my stuff. But more than likely I would get dressed, run outside then cry all the things I should have saved.
You know, I might just thank this prompt one day because now I will already know what to grab…. as long as I can think clearly.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Burning Down the House.”
Getting a Job
When was the last time you were ready to throw in the proverbial towel? Did you end up letting go, or decided to fight on anyway?
I really thought I could work for myself and get by. That’s what I had been doing most of my life but it was a partnership with my husband and we had built up that business over many years.
My house is paid for from my separation so at least I didn’t lose all those years of work. When you have a mortgage you think it would be so cheap to live without it but it isn’t. It’s surprising how much it costs just to own a house and car.
I started to make lamps …. it takes a long time to make a lamp; I have a few of them around my house.
I made spring rolls to sell around here in the summer to the tourists from the chip wagons. Very few people want something healthy at the chip wagon.
My last venture, the one that made me give up, was making aprons. I tried for a year to make and sell aprons. Any fabric that is nice looking is expensive; fabric that is cheap is usually quite ugly. There was no way I could compete with aprons made in China and sold for $9.00. If I was tied to my machine working 16 hour days (as many people are) I couldn’t make enough to pay my bills.
That’s when I threw in the towel and admitted I had to get a job. Don’t get me wrong, I like working…… I just don’t like having a job. “It takes up your whole day!” –Eliza Doolittle
There are always plenty of things to do around here.
At least, that’s what I thought. And that’s what I’m thinking when I have to leave my home and go in. (“I don’t wanna go!”)
But all in all, it worked out great. I got a job I actually like and that’s all I could ask for! I’ve had some I really hated; scooping ice cream comes to mind.
Actually, I got two jobs in one as I was hired in the bakery but they also trained me on ‘cash’. It’s great to have the two different jobs with a different set of co-workers. On cash, I can wear my hair out and meet a lot of people (OK; men). In the bakery I wear a hair net and baseball hat; not a good look for me but at least I’m a little more hidden away.
Today I was supposed to go in. We are getting a new oven in the bakery tomorrow so we were going to be moving all the boxes, containers, decorations and such. I was suppose to be on 9:00 to 2:00. Yesterday my boss phoned and said they got a lot done so there was no need for me to come in! YAY!!!!! Its like a bonus day!
You can’t get that when you work for yourself……there’s always something to do.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Enough Is Enough.”
Cold and Mad/ The Cost of Staying Warm
Its happened again: I’m out of propane. It’s partly my own fault for not ordering sooner. Friday it was just above 10% so I decided to phone Monday morning. But then it got bitterly cold. I used it up just keeping it at 18 C at night and while I’m at work. By Monday morning it was on ‘refill’. I phoned at 8:00 a.m. She said it would come within 5 working days. (Special delivery costs a lot)Today is Wednesday. They might not even come today.
I hate McRobert Fuels. I try hard not to hate them because it’s such a destructive, negative emotion but I can’t help it. Even though its a rude, heartless woman on the phone and e-mail, this is how I picture McRobert.
Last year was an extra cold, long winter; I ran up a bill that took me all summer to pay off. Consequently, they put me on a ‘pay first’ list so I have to phone in and put it on my credit card to get a tank of propane. Putting it on my credit card means putting off paying because I don’t have and extra $275 lying around.
I’m blaming my ex today, too. He phoned in October, (out of the blue, after about 3 years of no contact) and offered to help me with firewood. Order some slab wood, he said, he’d pay for it, bring me some firewood and take some slab wood home. That’s end pieces and slabs left over from a local sawmill. The smaller pieces help get a hotter fire. A load of slab-wood is also $275 and it was supposed to be delivered a month ago. Now I need regular ‘body’ firewood; cut and split logs. That’s $325.
If I got all I need now that would be $875. Mind you, some of that wood will take me into next winter.
When wood is delivered they back down the driveway and dump it at the end. If I order firewood and put out $325, the slab wood is sure to arrive. That means I won’t have enough money and my driveway will be entirely filled with dumped wood. If I’d known the slab-wood was going to take so long I could’ve ordered body wood weeks ago when there was no snow! Ggrrrr, I’m mad today!
Last night I had two baseboard electric heaters going; one in the kitchen and one in the bathroom. I loaded up the wood stove before I went to bed. The thought of a house fire was on my mind. Thank God for my electric blanket! Couldn’t even use that room without it.
It was 14 C when I got up this morning. (Sorry, Americans, can’t remember ‘F‘ but it’s F‘ing cold) Turned up the baseboard heaters, turned on a couple more portable electric heaters and got the woodstove going again. My Hydro bill (that’s what we called electricity here) is going to be sky high.
Right now I’m in my computer nook, far from my woodstove. I have a noisy radiant heater (loud fan) so I can’t listen for the “beep, beep, beep” of that propane truck backing down. Its all I want to hear right now.
I have to work tonight 5:00 to 9:00 and I really need a shower. It’s noon and I’ve got it up to 18 C. That’s the low temperature I keep the thermostat at. I’ve just got it up to how cold I keep it at night. Too cold to shower!
It reminds me of when you are driving and have to pee. All you can think about is somewhere to pee. I just want to see that damn propane truck backing down my driveway!
I apologize if there are any mistakes but I want to go back to my warm living room and look longingly out the window.
Update: They arrived at 2:10, Yay! I already had a shower because I couldn’t stand myself and they arrived just as I was drying by the wood stove.
I’m so relieved; I have time for a power nap before I have to get ready for work. I’m going to celebrate by setting the thermostat so it’s warm when I get home from work at 9:30 tonight. OOooo, decadent!
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Image Search.”
Pick a random word and do Google image search on it. Check out the eleventh picture it brings up. Write about whatever that image brings to mind.
I really like the word, “flabbergasted”. It’s such a descriptive word. It’s surprise that makes the mouth drop open and the lips flap just a little as the breath is forced out in a silent, ‘OOOhh!’
I was disappointed with #11 on the Google search
although it does look like my grandnephew so it’s cute. But not descriptive of ‘flabbergasted’ so I added on some others that I found interesting.
This one’s cryptic;
It makes you think. Maybe an album cover?
Well, glad that was short today….. I have a lot of snow to shovel.
A Life-changing Year of Loss
Hard to believe it was nine years ago; the year I lost everything that held my life together; everything I identified myself with just wiped away, smashed to smithereens.
It was a bad marriage and getting worse. For twenty-eight years I endured verbal and emotional abuse not realizing I was being abused because he didn’t hit me. But he broke my spirit. I was dead inside and had given up hope for any happiness.
My mom was bed-ridden with multiple sclerosis and lived in a small farmhouse with her second husband, not my dad. My father died of a heart attack years before and she had remarried. Going to stay there was not an option; let’s just say home was better than there.
My sister had found the love of her life and moved to London, England. So I really felt I had nowhere to go.
My husband and I had a business together, keeping bees and selling our honey and beeswax products. I had worked at building this business for 25 years; out of the job market and aging, quickly. I didn’t feel I had the strength or ability to start over. I was beaten down.
The only love I got was from my dog, Betty. Just writing that makes me start to cry. She was such a loving comfort. If I could hug any of them right now it would be Betty. She was the first to die. Both my husband and I were grief-stricken but he didn’t turn to me; he withdrew even further into his hard, cold prison of misery.
A few months later, my mother passed away. She had lived with MS most of her life, it was a gradual decline. Her husband went above and beyond looking after her needs… and demands! He dedicated his life to making her life better and was proud of how well he cared for her. Now her organs were starting to break down and she ended up on life support. The hospital she was in was a four and half hour drive. My husband was mean and uncaring so I drove the truck down to Windsor by myself, meeting my sister who had to drive 3 hours from another direction. The final decision to take her off life support had to come from her husband, Earl. He couldn’t do it. He wanted them to give her ‘immune boosters’. We had to go home, back to work. I could hardly think, I knew for sure my mom did not want this.
My sister and I went back after a few days to beg Earl to let her go. He still said ‘no’ but we stayed in the waiting room hoping she would go on her own. We sat through the night in the cold, vinyl waiting room, taking turns sitting with mom.
In the morning we had a family conference with Earl and he finally agreed. It only took a half an hour and she was finally freed from her cage.
Back at home I was going through the motions but was so depressed. The worse I got, the madder my husband got. “You can’t beat a dead horse” was my answer to his constant yelling.
One day he couldn’t take anymore of me. He yelled at me to pack my bags he was taking me to my sister’s and dropping me off. He couldn’t stand me, I was a parasite, being with me was like being in a swarm of black flies. This is what he yelled at me all the way to my sisters. He dropped off my suit cases and drove away.
My sister had returned to Canada because the love of her life had also died. That same year he developed a brain tumour and died within months. They had bought a cottage here to spend summers in and she was living in it.
And now I was living in her guest room. We were both still stunned, saying “What happened?” and “Now what?”
Looking back now, I know it had to happen. I needed to be kicked out of that miserable life because I didn’t have the strength to do it on my own.
I still feel the loss; I wish he had been the husband I thought I married. I didn’t have children so my life can get very lonely. I try to forgive him but there’s still a part of me that resents him for destroying all my dreams and hopes for the future. I think about what life could be like if only he was nice and loving. But he isn’t. I was in love with someone I hoped he’d be.
Remember the Etch-a-sketch? That was my life that year. Turned upside down, given a good shake and a blank screen to write my new life on.
We are shaped by our experiences and what better way to write than to relive some of our experiences. Good or bad, they will always be a part of us.