…and I’ll be what I am; a solitary woman.
I live alone, don’t have children and haven’t made any close friends since I moved here 10 years ago. However, I do have family. There’s my sister and her kids and grandkids who I appreciate in my life so much: it would be much lonelier having no one.
But I am not unhappy on my own, in fact, a rather like it. Having lived through a 28 year marriage of yelling, name calling and bullying I really appreciate being able to do whatever I want without ‘getting in trouble’. Watch whatever I want on TV without being ridiculed or yelled at. Eat what I want, when I want. Pay my bills and have a savings account…. my own car. I can go to the bathroom whenever the urge strikes, sit as long as I need, relaxed, with the door open. Almost every morning of my marriage I silently begged him to hurry up while I held it in agony.
Of course, some people can live this way if they have a good partner (and two bathrooms) and I might love that….. maybe. But often at night I think, ‘I don’t want some guy here.’ I sure don’t want to wake up with someone beside me. That’s where I’m at: I’m a solitary woman.
Now mind you, I would like to have a good friend or boyfriend (with his own house) to hang out with, go to the movies, out for dinner; someone who won’t be there in the morning. But so far I haven’t met anyone I want to hang out with and prefer to be on my own rather than someone I don’t click with.
I’ll tell you one thing for sure is that I have a very peaceful life with periods of happiness…. like when I can stay home all day, by myself. Some of my co-workers who have husband, lovers and kids are living such stressful lives outside of work; sick husbands, fighting kids, unpaid bills: life really is a struggle for most people.
When I was in my bad marriage I used to dream of what my home would be like if I lived alone; I was wrong. I still can’t find scissors when I need them. My bathroom still gets yucky after a few days. My place is still unorganized. I still have many one socks who lost their mate.
But its all mine; my mess, my choices, my preferences….
Don’t know if I will but until I can find me
a guy who’ll [want to make me happy and thinks I’m the greatest],
I’ll be what I am; a solitary woman.
I know WordPress is going to head my post with big photo of Neil Diamond but, what the heck, it gives context and its a good sing-a-long.