SoCS: In the morning

Your prompt for #JusJoJan and Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “In the.” Start your post with the words “In the” – that’s the prompt! 

In the morning I get up to turn the heat up to 21C and then get back into my warm bed with an electric blanket. Ever after 15 years of having a furnace I am still thankful every winter morning I can get up, turn up the heat, go back to bed until it warms up.

This is normal for most people but not for those who heat with wood only as I did for almost 30 years. Get up in the freezing cold (now that I have a thermostat I often wonder how cold it was there) start a fire and huddle in a blanket until it warms up. Drink your coffee by the woodstove. Nowadays I get my fire going when the furnace reaches 21 and stops. It backdrafts if I try and start it before.

And I still think of if every morning because I know my ex is waking up freezing cold having to go downstairs and start a fire. He hasn’t had running water for a few years because he can’t be bothered to get it fixed. There is a composting toilet there that was a nightmare 15 years ago with me keeping it livable. I can’t imagine what its like there now. I suspect he doesn’t fix his water because there is too much clutter in the house. He won’t let a plumber in. He’s been sick with Omicron, he’s not healthy to begin with. . . and damnit! after 15 years I still can’t stop myself from worrying about him.

His sister started messaging me on Facebook Wednesday night. She had just found out he didn’t have running water and thought he was sick at home with no drinking water. She lives in Milwaukee, Wisc. and was trying to find out how to order bottled water and have it delivered to him.

I phoned him and he did have bottled water and cases of Coke. He won’t come here and I can’t go there. On top of all that, he is snowed in and its a very, very long driveway.

I keep telling myself ‘its his choice’. He is living the way he wants to live. His sisters have been nagging him so much he won’t pick up the phone when they call.

I wish I could feel vindicated or satisfied that he got what he deserved. I try to tell myself that . . . but I feel bad for him and I’m very worried about him. And I think of what our lives could be like if he wasn’t . . . . him.