Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “close eyes and point.” Grab the closest printed material to you when you sit down to write your post, open it up (if it’s a book, flyer, etc.), close your eyes, and point. Whatever your finger lands on, use that as your prompt.
Lying next to me is my vehicle permit. I put it out yesterday to remind me to re-new my license plate which expires next week. Its not like I didn’t know it was coming up; we re-new our plates on our birthdays. They used to send out forms to remind us a month in advance but they don’t anymore. I guess they figure we will always remember our birthdays but that doesn’t mean we’ll remember to re-new our plates.
So I put it out yesterday to remind me to do it but I didn’t do it. Memory is a problem when you age. Also lethargy; that feeling of not giving a shit anymore but there are chores to be done. I have things that have to be done so I put off anything I can put off until it needs to be done.
I pointed at my plate permit and it landed on my name which I’m not going to type out. I’m still hyphenated. I still have my spouse’s last name attached to mine. Good thing I did hyphenate it because at least I still have part of my name and not just his family’s name.
I didn’t bother to change it for a number of reasons. At first I figured he would meet a younger woman who would demand he divorce and he would pay for it. Turns out there is no woman who is willing to tolerate that life.
We’re not divorced. Been separated for 15 years. Its partly because I don’t want to pay for it and partly the lethargy: I don’t care. I’ve always secretly hoped he would come to his senses and want a happy life but he doesn’t. I’m reminded of that when I speak to him on the phone; oh yeah, that’s who he is. What was I thinking?
When I went on Facebook I kept my name on so my caving buddies or anyone looking for me, knowing my husband, could find me.
That turned out to be a good thing because there is woman with my name on Facebook who lives nearby. My sister saw her post recommending a seafood restaurant. She wondered why I was doing that when I was vegetarian. I messaged her and we are ‘friends’ now. Always weird when she ‘likes’ something. Hey, that’s my name!
That got me wondering about our ancestors and if we were related. During the pandemic the library offered free access to Ancestry via our Lambton County archives. I knew of my great grandfather coming to Canada and his children but I couldn’t find any other relatives with that name.
Too bad I can’t lie and say the book I’m reading, “Braiding Sweetgrass”, was at my side but it was in the living room. That would have been way cooler than my license permit. Just for curiosity I will open and point to see what I could have written about.
“Cultures of Gratitude”. Oh yes, thanks for reminding me. I am so grateful to live here, in this house and have the health to look after myself. Its important to keep that in the forefront of my thoughts.
monicle's chronicles 
Oh wow. I didn’t realize you weren’t divorced. Not that that matters to me one way or another, just surprised is all. I kept my ex’s name because it is way prettier than my maiden name and has nice alliteration.
I know, its stupid of me. I really can’t be bothered to go to a lawyer and spend the money.
Ya know, I didn’t say it was stupid. Or think it. ♥ (And I’m not miffed or saying that in a snotty tone… just flagging that as some of your inner talk that is less than kind to yourself. ) If it is working for you, who gives a crap? And since I’m on a very limited, fixed income I totally get the issue with $ and lawyers if it ain’t broke don’t fix it thing. If it is NOT working for you, Canada might have some places that can help you out. I’ve followed you long enough that I feel like I know you, and am in your corner girl. 🙂
Its OK; I don’t tell myself I’m stupid. Bad choice of words.
We did draw up a separation agreement which makes sure I’m not liable for his debts and took me off the deed to my old place. That’s how I got the settlement to buy this house. If it didn’t work for me I would get a divorce. Unless I get married again (LOL) it doesn’t make much difference.
A very interesting post 💜💜