SoCS: weigh, way, whey

I was skinny most of my life. In my 40’s I still only weighed barely over 100 lbs. (Canadians still use the old fashioned weight for our weight; we never switched over to ‘stones’ as they do in the U.K.)

It used to really bug me when people would say, “You’re so skinny! You should eat more!”

So rude; I can’t imagine ever saying to someone, “You’re so fat! You shouldn’t eat so much!”

Many, many women, who I didn’t even know, would tell me they hated me. I could be just eating a chocolate bar out somewhere and some woman would spit, “I hate you!”¬† Yes, this happened many times.

Actually, I didn’t eat enough because my ex would hassle me when I ate. He also had me so stressed most of the time: I later¬†learned that I lived in ‘fight or flight’ mode for a long time. My stomach was in knots most of the time. I had to work, work, work; leisure was bad. That was the way we lived. We kept bees and worked at markets on weekends so there were no days off.

Not any more! We broke up 12 years ago. It took me at least 2 years to get his voice out of my head. I still felt guilty if I took a day off. I did it…. but felt guilty. I had to keep repeating to myself that I can do whatever I want now. I still have to tell myself I’m not lazy when I hear it creeping in.

As fate would have it; his pressure-filled lifestyle and bad eating habits have caught up with him: he has a collapsed esophagus and is doing nothing about it. He lives on Boost and Ensure. If he eats anything solid, he throws up.

I didn’t see him for two years because he didn’t want to tell me how sick he was. When he did finally tell me and come to visit I was shocked at how skinny he was. The first words out of his mouth were, “Are you ever fat!”

He is a foot taller and weighs the same as me.

I gained my weight the way most people do: by relaxing and eating! I now have a belly and I don’t care. This is the way I live now!


I used to make my own paneer from fresh, unpasteurized milk and feed the whey to my dog and cats.