Yesterday was a wonderful day here in Canada. There were celebrations in the parks, the newspapers headlined this historic day, there was joy on so many faces; marijuana is legal! I’m so happy. This has been a long time coming.
Here is my story of my relationship with weed.
I tried it too young, for sure I would not want any kids turning to it at the age of 15, however, in those days it wasn’t anywhere near as potent as it is now. It was low potency leaf, you rarely found a ‘flower’.
On the weekend we would pool our babysitting money and allowance to buy a ‘dime bag’. $10 worth of weed. We would smoke it wherever somebody’s parent were away or go to the park, Edwards Gardens was a favourite. I never did it in the school week. I remember once someone lured me into sharing a joint during a break period and I was so paranoid that someone would know I swore I would never do it again and I never did.
Many years later I was at a factory job and someone lured me into smoking a joint during lunch break. The same thing happened: I was so anxious I swore I would ever do that again and I never did. There are a lot of people who are on their job high but not me. There are a lot of people who drive high but I do not.
But I haven’t smoked pot all these 50 years I’ve been wishing it was legal. When I was young and travelled a lot I would only do it if it was around, I didn’t want to spend my money on it unless I went in with a friend for the weekend. Travelling in other countries with pot is downright dangerous so I didn’t do that.
In my early 20’s I drank alcohol a lot more and I mean a lot more. I would drink until I got drunk: I could not stop once I started. I woke up sick and remembered things I’d wished I could forget. When I met my husband, he pointed out that it was disgusting, not fun.
I didn’t start smoking regularly until I was a married and working at mundane jobs. At that time I didn’t understand what emotional abuse was (he didn’t hit me) so it helped keep the relationship somewhat calm. It became my reward for making it through another day.
We were already getting into an Eastern philosophy that required giving up meat, alcohol, and drugs. We had given up meat and alcohol which I was happy to give up, but drugs was the sticking point. We both loved pot.
This went on for a few years until we decided we would give up pot and devote our lives to the Spiritual Path. And we did for years and years. But I always missed it. Never craved meat nor alcohol but I missed getting high. By now I had no connections and didn’t want to find a biker to buy pot from. (Let me insert that ‘bikers’ were also a different sort in those days) Now it had been around 15 years. How could I go back? Sometime I would dream about smoking a joint and would wake up; phew! I didn’t give in…… yet.
One day, and this was way back in the 1980’s, they reported that the government studies had resulted in the conclusion that marijuana should be legalized. At first I was so happy I literally jumped for joy! but the next moment I realized, I still wouldn’t be ‘allowed’ to do it. That started an internal conflict. I had been so obedient, bound to duty and I was getting tired of it.
Back in those days we were cavers and went down to Tennessee and Alabama regularly. One might around a campfire someone passed me joint and I said, “I’d like to but I can’t” He asked “why not?”. I didn’t have an answer. It wasn’t that night but shortly after I succumbed.
Then I felt like a hypocrite because I was a ‘designated speaker’, I gave half hour talks (satsang) for our philosophy. More internal struggle. Coupled with that was my dislike for the guy I was buying it from.
(I had to laugh years later in the movie “Pineapple Express” where Seth Rogan just wants to buy some pot from his dealer, James Franco, but the dealer wants him to stay and hang out and watch movies. Rogen is politely trying to just buy it and get out. I so much related to that!)
So I quit for a few more years. Missed it for a few more years. Then we met a nice dealer who came to our house and delivered. By that time we could afford to buy bulk and not have to do this often. Besides he came with his girlfriend and we all had a nice visit.
When I had my horrible break up I used it a lot. I was a mess. Now I’m left with a habit I don’t want to give up although I don’t abuse it anymore. I use it. And now it’s legal. I grow my own and don’t have to be paranoid about someone seeing my back garden anymore.
This is wonderful! The years of watching people drink, get drunk and think its fun or funny really made me NOT want to drink all the more. That is the more dangerouse drug. But then, I wouldn’t make a criminal out of someone who doesn’t agree with me. This is how it should be.
O, Canada! My home and Native land!
I found the clip;