When I saw the word ‘rush’ as the prompt I breathed a deep sigh of relief. No more rushing in my life. Nobody shooting at my feet to make me dance.
I lived life in a kind of rush for years and years. My husband was always, “c’mon, c’mon…” there was always so much to do. He couldn’t stand to see me relax or even stop to eat.
My mom lived pretty far from me and always needed my help. It was a four hour drive to her place and whenever I got there…. I was late; there was so much to do. She would be disappointed if I didn’t bring something delicious to eat.
Then I would drive back to my nagging husband and the mess of whatever he did or ate while I was gong. I helped him with whatever he did, tried to make my own beeswax products for my own money and tried to keep my house clean “on my own time” as my husband would say. “When is that?” I would ask.
When my mom was at the hospital in her final days, I had to find a ride with my nephew because he wouldn’t let me use the truck. By this time menopause was setting in and I was falling apart. I needed rest so bad but I was living in constant ‘fight or flight’.
One year later it was all over. My mom passed away and my husband kicked me out of my home and business because I couldn’t work hard enough. I agreed and never went back.
It took a long time to stop rushing. I would find myself rushing around doing things then stop….. why am I rushing? I had to consciously make myself do thing in a relaxed manner.
Unfortunately, I had to get a job and the rushing began again. At first I worked at the bakery and on cash but that was too much.
I’d always be rushing off to my shift. That would make me sweat and I’d have to put on that damn uniform and sweat, rushing to work.
NO MORE! I’m retired. I live alone. I take my own sweet time and it’s fantastic! I can putter away a morning, go for a walk, have an afternoon nap…….. no one is goading me…… I’m finally living the way I’ve always wanted to live!
monicle's chronicles 