JusJoJan; Indelible

Indelible; something that leaves a permanent mark.

It was an abusive relationship that left a scar on me. It took me years to discover that it was abuse because he didn’t hit me. That still makes me sad: I stayed because he didn’t hit me.

It was a traumatic break-up. I had become a broken person, dead inside, and he despised me for it. He told me to ‘pack my bags, he was dropping me off at my sisters’. He had all night to think about it but the next day we drove the 2 hour drive to my sisters.  He dropped me and my suitcases off and drove away.

Up to that point I had been trying to keep my home and my job (we kept bees) but this time I said, “OK, I’m not going to fight to stay here anymore.”

It’s been 10 years and it still hurts…. that’s indelible.

I haven’t completely gotten over it. I think about him and what my life is like now, in comparison, everyday.

Ten years ago I had no hope of retirement or any happiness. Now here I am retired in my own house. I have to say; I’m really proud of myself.

But I don’t hate him and feel bad he’s made his life such a mess. I always imagine one day he will realize what he did but that’ s only in my imagination. I’m sure he blames me for ruining his life.

When he was a little boy, his mom used to punish him by packing a suitcase, putting him out on the front step and locking the door, telling him someone was coming to pick him up because he was so bad.

This wasn’t the first time he told me to ‘pack my bags’. This was the third time he kicked me out. Every time…… “pack your bags……”

So, you see, emotional abuse leaves an indelible mark.




4 thoughts on “JusJoJan; Indelible

  1. Tragic that a mother could do that. I am sorry for what happened to you;I can only imagine the pain. I am glad 10 years later it all turned out better.

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