Sometimes a ‘prompt’ word comes along I sort of know the meaning of but not enough to be in my vocabulary. ‘Panacea’: “a universal remedy, a cure of all ills.”
That would be how I’m looking at retirement right now. It’s only 8 weeks away and I can hardly wait. Even though I’m down to two days a week, I still drag my feet going in I don’t want to so much.
It’s getting cold in the store, too. The lunch room is freezing. Going in and out of the freezer with heavy boxes is too hard. Sometimes you are looking and looking and freezing and there it is, way up high, so you need to get the ladder. These days I just want to say ‘fuck it’ and walk out. I am not ashamed to say; “I’m too old for this!”
Last Saturday I had a 7- hour closing shift which is working most of the day alone then cleaning. I didn’t last 7 hours. I just told them I was closing the bakery at 6:00 p.m. I was so exhausted. Luckily it was dark and pouring rain so ‘it was OK’.
“Pretty soon I won’t have to do this!” I sing to myself over and over. It makes me so happy!
However, like most panaceas, I realize retirement won’t be the cure-all for what ails me. There will be a problem with isolation and loneliness….. something that comes with being a hermit and a bit of a weirdo. I will miss the interaction with my co-workers who I’ve become fairly close to. I’ll even miss the interactions with the ones who bug me. It’s always good to have a bone to chew on.
Most people would go crazy being alone so much but I enjoy it…. to a point. After a couple of days home alone I’m a little nutty. I’ll need to force myself to do things outside of the home.
And I know full well that all this stuff I want to do around my house will not be fun. Many days I won’t want to do what I should do and there’s always something to do around here. Having a job gives you a good excuse not to do it; now I’ll have no excuses.
So retirement won’t be the panacea for all that ails me…… but it will sure help!