Weak Motive

OK. This is it. I have to start doing some serious housework. The summer is behind me, I have all the groceries I need, visited my aunt yesterday and I’ve been resting so much I cannot rest anymore.

I wish I had a better motive to motivate me. If someone was coming to visit me I would get into a frenzy of housework so I’m pretending someone else is going to look at my place. If they were just coming for a coffee and maybe go to the bathroom that would be fine as I keep the basic living triangle tidy; couch/kitchen/bathroom, but clutter is forming around the edges, my hidden office is a mess and my bedroom has the faint odour of old lady.

All summer I let it go somewhat because I have the good excuse of working so much. Now I don’t. My motive has to be ‘for me’.

That’s a concept that is new and bewildering to woman as they get older. So used to doing things for someone else and now faced with doing it for the one who means the least; our self. Ten years ago I found myself in the position of having ONLY myself to look after.

We certainly were not raised to think of ourselves. I was raised is if thinking of yourself was selfish, almost a sin. There were no ‘me days’ or ‘down time’, you just took the next number for who needed help: it was never you.

Years ago, when I was still trying to have kids, I didn’t do any Christmas decorating because we didn’t have kids. And because we didn’t have kids, we went somewhere else for Christmas. One year it dawned on me that I could decorate for myself, for my own pleasure.

Housework isn’t as fun as Christmas decorating. It’s for myself, yeah, but I don’t really care. My triangle is tidy. The hallway looks really clean……. stop…

Motive….. my motive is to have a clean organized home for myself…… like the way I thought it would be if I was single…… before I was single.





6 thoughts on “Weak Motive

  1. I like your motive to do it for yourself. I was raised similarly where thinking about yourself was selfish and almost a sin. I still feel guilty most days if I do something just for me. Baby steps.

  2. I am also disinclined to clean and, especially, decorate for myself. I have never really cared. But then I thought…”what if I were to clean and decorate FOR ME? Just a very few things I like on the walls, a plant, nicer curtains, a pillow? Right? My house would be more a ‘home’ and I’d probably feel more ‘comfortable’ and the space would be less ‘transitory’ and more like a refuge. It’s a little like “marking your territory”…it makes it my own and I do really think I’d like it more presentable (not that I have any visitors, I don’t) and comfortable. Good luck and you deserve it.

  3. I love this insight! After my daughter moved out, I decorated her room as my studio. But it’s also become the “spare room” and is very cluttered. I think I’ll unclutter a section of it today, because it will feel more free. Thanks for the motivation! I hope you enjoy your space for you. You deserve it the way you want it to be.

  4. I was just thinking the same the other day. I never do anything for just me around the house. I always tend to wonder if if is what H would want. I’ve got to stop that immediately! I did chalk paint my china cabinet last week but only because it was my mother’s and he did not have a say I it. Lol! Glad your hours are shorter not and retirement is nearing! ~Elle

  5. You have me thinking with this post: I had a similar up-bringing regarding selfish acts. Plus a neat-freak mom who enlisted the kids to clean the house on the weekends. Oh joy.

    Now, as an “adult” I’m in full-blown rebellion and clean only when I trip on the dust-bunnies, or like you, when company comes. Sure, the house is tidy, but not Mother Wilson tidy, not by a long shot!

    That said, I do enjoy the shine on a freshly scrubbed surface. Not enough to keep it that way, daily, mind you…

  6. I am the same way. God forbid anyone need anything that is not in my living room/kitchen/bathroom. I stare them down and block the door, shaking my head…”Sorry, but this room is off limits”.

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