Beyond Survival

Today’s prompt is ‘survive’. I feel compelled to write a post since my blog is about surviving. At least it was when I started this blog five years ago.

Five years ago I asked ‘what’s a blog?’ then said, “I want to do that!” I wanted to talk about my troubles and woes without bothering my friends on Facebook. I knew there must be other women out there, my age and on their own, who would like to complain and compare notes, also. Really, this blog was just someone to talk to; somewhere anonymous to vent.

I went back to look at my first blog which is mostly about my marriage ending and starting all over again. I have hashed all that out over the five years and the story gets shorter and shorter.  The second blog, ‘why am I doing this?’ is a better entry into the world of blogging.

When I started this I was just surviving. Sometimes paralyzed with anxiety, sometimes just plain depressed, I put one foot in front of the other, went through the motions and looked after responsibilities as they came up.

I tried to make money on my own selling lamps, aprons and spring rolls.  My savings ran out quickly. Job prospects at 60 years old was bleak then I got this job. I was hired to work 10:00 to 3:00, three days a week, making and cakes and pies. How lucky is that? Then they added cashier to my job and filled my week in with work. It was too much but I did it anyway.

Slowly, and without realizing it, I evolved from surviving to living. Not much has changed except my perceptions. It was very hard but by just doing it day after day I’ve made a life for myself that I’m quite happy with.

Recently I had the epiphany that I have become the person I always wanted to be. It may not seem like it from the outside but I was never interested in money or career (to my own detriment!) My dreams were to live a peaceful, spiritual life surrounded by nature. I didn’t plan on doing it alone but, hey, it’s a whole lot easier to be peaceful alone!

The Job was largely responsible for relieving anxiety. Knowing that pay cheque is coming helps tremendously. And having worked for myself for years, I love these official Days Off! Not having to hustle and worry where your next dollar is coming from is great! ‘I have earned the right to take a day off’…… that was a new concept!

Being alone isn’t the greatest but I love my house and my life. I would like to have a crush on a boyfriend but he would have to be really exceptional to be allowed to move into my house. In all honesty, I can’t imagine it. I want someone who isn’t going to be there in the morning.

Yes, I’m surviving all right! I’m really quite proud of myself. I’m even proud of being humble! ha!

One thought on “Beyond Survival

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