SoCS; Shame

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “ham.” Use it any way you’d like.

I’m going to extend that word to ‘shame’ so I can talk about how I’m feeling today.

A little shame but I would be feeling a lot more shame if I didn’t go to June’s funeral.

One of my co-workers passed away earlier this week. It was a real shock. She had to quit in August to get chemo for uterine cancer. These days we expect someone to get chemo and get better but she didn’t. Perhaps she had left it too long.

I do feel shame for the times I rolled my eyeballs at her groaning and complaining which she did constantly. There was always something hurting or wrong with her plus she was extremely overweight and ate the worst food. She would say, “I don’t like vegetables” and laugh. I would think, “How long can a body last without real food?”  I feel shame at how smug I was about my good health.

I haven’t heard from any of my other co-workers about going to the funeral. My boss says he has to work. I think its shameful if they don’t make the effort.

And I feel some shame at how selfish I’m feeling; how mad I am about my crappy weekend. What a shame this funeral is today.  It’s going to be warm and sunny all weekend and it’s a long weekend, Family Day on Monday. This morning the funeral is at 11:00 then I’ll get home in just enough time to change into my uniform and go to work 2:00 until 7:00.  And I am working 2:00 until 7:00 Sunday and Monday. What a shame I have to work all weekend!

Then I think of June. She’s dead and I’m complaining about my life. Shame on me.