Do you know someone who is angry a lot? They can always blame it on someone who is making them angry. It’s easy to get caught up in a dispute if you are the target. The normal chain of events is that you defend yourself giving the angry person more fuel for their inner fire.
I’ve learned something about angry people because an angry person turned me into an angry person for quite a few years. The daily fighting and yelling wore me down and broke my spirit; when I left there I looked 10 years older than my real age. Anger can kill you over time.
This knowledge can help you avoid conflicts with this person and learn to bite your tongue:
First, we all know the anger is in them. It’s not you or me or the other guy that are so bad, its themselves having anger. Older ladies: remember PMS? Remember having that knot in your solar plexus and suddenly the world is full of assholes? Peri- menopause can also do this. Hormones running rampant or fluctuating can feel like your body is churning….. the feeling is so irritating, like anger, so you look for an outside influence to give a reason for the agitation.
The second very important thing to know about chronically angry people is that they like it. (Oh, they would be so mad if you pointed that out to them.) Anger gives you energy. Anger revs you up to superhuman speed: without anger this person feels deflated and tired. With anger they can feel strong and superior, without anger they feel weak and vulnerable.
If they smoke, they can stomp out for a puff: that big inhalation and exhale…… aah, relief! The build-up and the release; cycle complete. Extra bonus if other smokers are outside so they can complain about their stupid co-workers.
To this day my ex believes he wouldn’t have had to get so mad if I didn’t make him so mad. But when I finally went to counselling to find out what was wrong with me, I discovered there wasn’t anything wrong with me. That’s where I learned about anger.
My co-worker is peri-menopausal and her home life is not the best. Sometimes, many times she is a raging bitch. But I understand her, I get it. Not to say she doesn’t push my buttons and make me mad… but I’ve learned to bite my tongue and not give her any ammunition. I don’t try to be nice, that is too irritating, I freeze her out; talking only when necessary and without emotion. Eventually, she has nothing to go on and moves on to someone else.
Besides, I get angry at work; who doesn’t? Many times we are angry at the same thing! How often do things just run smoothly? Hardly ever!
We just have to remember: I can’t help being me, you can’t help being you, he can’t help being him…….. none of us are perfect.
I wrote a bunch of stuff to deliberately cross out and these two lines took it away! Now I can’t get rid of them…… damn it,that made me angry!