Clearing the Debris

Yesterday I wrote a post about being burned by a ‘friend’ I was helping out. I’ve cleared away a lot of bad feelings and my nerves are calming down but those traumatic moments replay over and over in my head.

I don’t feel good at all throwing out a person who had no where to go but this woman was Trouble.  She has a father,  sister, daughter and granddaughter in the town where she is supposed to be looking for a job and finding a place to live. She was on Social Assistance and was applying for unemployment insurance.  Friends were helping her giving her a place to stay.

But she did not look for a job. She talked about getting her old career back as an advocate for native youth.  Apparently she did this in Alberta and was overly well-paid. That’s why she hated the bakery so much, it’s so uncool to have to wear a uniform and put the labels on in the right place and all that shit. Tell me about it, lady.

When we all started helping her she had started volunteer work advocating for a youth on the local reserve. She wanted, more than anything, to live on or near the reserve.

Meanwhile she used up everyone helping her, by lying and manipulating, and ended up back in town. She alienated all her family. She was kicked out of the shelter for mouthing off to the people who ran it. I overheard her talking to her Social Assistance counsellor so rudely, bullshitting like crazy, then hangs up and says, “fucking bitch, she’s the one that got me kicked out of the shelter”.

I knew she was sleeping with someone on the reserve and was lying about where she was going to use my car to go see him. I started to get suspicious because he didn’t have a car and she couldn’t stay with him because it was his mom’s house.  Yes, people, the youth she is advocating for is the person she’s sleeping with. It turns my stomach.

After I told her she no longer had use of my car she started to have a temper tantrum. I just said, “I don’t fight” “I don’t argue”.  She was having a shit-fit and phoned somebody on her cell (that some ‘friend’ had bought and set up for her, but she wanted my landline to phone her counsellor) and started screaming her whole story over again. I got bundled up to go for a walk on the trails so I didn’t have listen to her screaming and swearing. As I was dressing she yelled, “….. and I was kicked off the Rez and I’m not allowed back……”

So she was using my car to get on the ‘Rez’ again. That’s my car spotted by the reserve police wherever she is going. (Since then I’ve been told she’s been hanging out with a local drug dealer)

I could tell there had been another person in my car because of the mess left from melted boots in the passenger side. There was MacDonald’s milkshake container left in there….. we don’t have a MacDonald’s around here……. she drove back into town. And in terrible weather.

When I got back from my walk I could hear her outside, because she had the bedroom window open so she could smoke cigarettes while she was ranting on the phone. I brought in firewood and said nothing.

She comes out of her room; “OK. I’m walking to reserve to go get cigarettes. It’s going to get dark and I might get raped or killed but I don’t care………..”

“OK, Bye”

She had the car for four hours that morning and forgot to get cigarettes?  No, she had planned to ‘go get cigarettes’ after I did the grocery shopping and filled the empty gas tank so she could get the car for the evening.

Of course she doesn’t come back or message me.  She’s out in the dark somewhere walking.  I ran a bath and did something I would never do……. have a bath with the front door open, just in case she came back. I was in the bath around 8:30 when the phone rang, I let the machine get it;

“I found somewhere to stay overnight so I could give you a break. talk to you in the morning”

I waited the next day, trying to live my life like I normally would, only I’m a mess! She’s waiting until it’s almost dark knowing I won’t throw her out! Finally around 3:30 she messages me “could she come and get her phone charger?”

I messaged back “you can come and get all your stuff”

“OK, thanks”

Someone drove her here and waited while she took her stuff. I refused to engage in any conversation. Hearing the way she twists and manipulates stories, I didn’t want to accuse or blame or say anything she’d use later.  I knew I would end up on her long list of “fucking bitches”.

Damn right I am.

This episode brought back PTSD for me. I lived with verbal abuse and negativity. Her being here brought it all back.  Living with jangled nerves, stomach in knots, unable to think clearly……. fight or flight……  I lived that way for so many years. I’m still getting back on my feet……. the wounds were deep, the scars have not healed.

She stole from me but I’m not surprised. That would be her last passive-aggressive ‘punishment’ for not being manipulated. I’m OK with that…… she’ll feel like she had the last word and sure as hell won’t come back.  It’s nothing of value,  I made sure that was all hidden.

I just hope to hell she didn’t take a piece of my jigsaw puzzle……. if there is 999 pieces I’m going after her!

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Clearing the Debris

  1. LOL! Well, I’ve had my fill of manipulators, too. They are usually missing something crucial inside or simply never grew up and refuse to do so, now, too. Some literally bank on their being able to use folks up. It’s not only okay to give up on someone, it’s sometimes the only course of action and no one will blame you for it. Some folks really won’t be okay without us — it’s a tough knowledge to carry, but they weren’t okay to begin with and it’s not right for them to steal another’s energy over and over.

  2. That would be the last straw if she stole a piece of my puzzle. Those who don’t do jigsaw puzzles don’t have a clue about what we are saying! It will be fine – I hope you have seen and heard the last of her. ~Elle

  3. Wow.. I am sorry… There is a fine line between helping and enabling.. Don’t feel bad about anything you did.. I am surprised you lasted as long as you did. I help people out all the time. I have had a simial incident but not as bad. Don’t let this change who you are . Or helping people in the future.. So Sorry Monica.

  4. Sometimes you have to put yourself first and do what you nee to take care of you. We can’t always be everything for everyone else because eventually we give and give until there is nothing left at all. Evidently she was not appreciating anything anyone was doing for her so it is her journey to live in chaos. Drama begets drama, believe me I know, I have been there. You are much better without that drama.

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