That’s a good definition of how my life feels right now…. like it’s on ‘pause’. I’ve been lucky to have these days off over the New Year’s considering I work in a grocery store that’s open every day except Christmas Day.

Also lucky my sister’s friend invited me over for a games night New Year’s Eve. Lots of good food, no drunks and a fun night playing Balderdash.  But I wish I had my own friends who did drink a little more, smoked pot and didn’t have to spell the “‘f’ word”.

It’s hard to be with people who have more money, too.  They have nice furniture, renovated kitchen and bathrooms, go on vacations, have children and friends they do things with……. then there’s poor me.  No mate, no kids, working for minimum wage just to make ends meet……  they feel bad for me and that feels shitty.  But it’s sure better than staying home to watch TV another night.

The woman I was helping out has disappeared. She was crossing the line using me too much and knew it. Listening to her constant list of ‘fucking bitches’ (her words) I knew it would be just a matter of time before I was on that list.  I tried to call her a few times but no answer…. even in the morning. That’s enough: I’m not chasing after trouble.

I made my best effort inviting a few women I know over for games and/ or a walk her but they are busy or don’t even respond. Another failed attempt at making friends.  I officially give up….. but I’ve said that before.

I couldn’t wait to get my tree down yesterday. New Year’s Day I get rid of  Christmas decorations to mark a New Year. The tree which brings such joy before Christmas looks sad and garish by New Years. I’ve been living here long enough to have my own traditions ….. take down the tree, bring out the jigsaw puzzle and wait for the afternoon sun to come back. There is a space in the cedars that lets it in about 2:00.  Every day it gets a little higher: in another month it will get above the cedars and I’ll be basking in afternoon sun.

Today is the last day of ‘holidays’. ha! I work for 5 hours tomorrow then get four more days off. It’s nice life if you can afford it. The only thing that marks this as holidays is that I’m getting chocolates on sale and not doing housework.

Tomorrow I’ll press the ‘forward’ button and go to work. Monday I will start doing housework and organizing and maybe even go to a bigger town to shop. An excursion. oh boy. something to look forward to. It would be way more fun with ‘mad money’ and not hot-flashing because I spent too much at SuperStore.

Today I will get out for walk, work on my puzzle and watch the episode of Game of Thrones I couldn’t stay awake for last night. Catch up for tonight’s three hours of G of T. Damn, that’s a good show!

Will Netflix run Season 5 of Downton Abby? I sure hope so.

Well, pals out there in cyberspace, nice talkin’ to ya.

I sure hope it is a Happy New Year!


“Pause” reminds me of the Pitbull number we do at Zumba. Dancing is the best thing for depression. It was nice to take a ‘pause’ and be excited about getting back, dancing and laughing with friends!

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