I’m Down

Yep, I’m in a slump. I was such a mess yesterday I didn’t even want to try Stream of Conciousness Saturday. I had a very bad night, Friday at work. My ‘work hangover’ was intense Saturday morning…. aching body, headache, anxiety and depression.

Last week and this week I have two four-hour shifts in the bakery at night. That’s it.  That’s $88 for the week. They hired a slew of new cashiers that are being trained so I have no hours on cash. In the bakery they have trained someone else to do my job and I get the teenagers cleaning shift. Not only that, the favourite teenager is now being trained and she’s getting day shifts. My boss and the other ‘cake’ person like the younger women better (as the whole world does) and they are making sure they are better.

I have four hours on the night shift and they have been throwing in cakes for me to do first before cleaning so I don’t have enough time to finish. It’s very frustrating because I take pride in doing my job right but I don’t have enough time.

On Friday my boss phoned and asked if I could come in early. “YES!”  I said and he laughed. I thought he was  giving me more time. He wanted me in two and half hours earlier which just gave me enough time to get ready and go.

There are a lot of new products I’m not familiar with because I’ve only been on nights. So he started showing me the new buns and breads that are brought out and prepared for baking the next morning. He was brusque, spoke very fast, and hated to repeat anything.  He left at 5:00 and gave me a list of stuff to do. It’s fairly new to me so finding things in the freezer is hard when I don’t know what the boxes look like. He said I should take my break from 6:00 to 6:30.  I finished the break-outs at 6:15 and took my break until 6:45.

There was a huge stack of trays and muffin tins in the sink. Empty buckets of icing and muffin mix, dried on because they didn’t bother to rinse them. There were so many empty cardboard boxes, many of them not broken down. After I’d taken a whole, stuffed cart to the compactor I found another stack piled up on top of a baking rack. (?)

There were breads to be sliced, buns and bagels to bag up…..  at 8:55, a concerned manager came by and asked how I was doing…. I had meltdown and started to cry.  They sent two young guys who helped me finish mopping the floor and cleaned the last counter while I bagged bagels. It makes me cry now just thinking about it.

I have no doubt my boss knows exactly what he is doing and hopes I’ll quit. He doesn’t have the least concern that I’m 62 years old and have to work like this, at night, while being treated like crap. It’s chest-crushing depressing.

Yesterday was a write-off. I felt like shit and didn’t want to do anything. Today I feel better physically because I had lots of rest but I’m very down.

I’ve got my paint samples on the wall……  I wish I had the paint here because I don’t feel like driving to Grand Bend. I struggle with depression and try very hard to do things to buoy me up. But this time I got knocked down and I just don’t feel like getting up.

Fortunately, I don’t have to. I’m in a peaceful, quiet place with all my favourite treats and lots of great stuff to watch on TV. I’m not at that crazy place on Mother’s Day, working.  HA! I’ve already made myself feel better…..  At least I’m not THERE!

001(top of line 4 is my pick.)

Quick Edit; I just found this clip to entertain myself with; Love Bogey!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sq1aU6rFcNQ&feature=player_detailpage