Be Careful What You Wish For…..

I see myself at Tim Horton’s 10 years ago. I look haggard and depressed. My hair is long and pulled back. I’m dressed in dull colours.

I get a coffee and sit down with myself to try to give myself some hope for the future.

“Well, there’s good news and bad news……  the bad news is that you are no longer married to Doug, your Mom has passed away and you’ve moved back to the region you grew up in; too far away from your volunteer work.

The good news is that you are no longer married to Doug, your Mom has passed away and you’ve moved back to the region you grew up in; too far away from your volunteer work.

You own a house at Ipperwash Beach, with a flushing toilet (no more digging shit out of that ‘composting’ toilet), satellite TV, propane furnace, air conditioning and no one to look after except yourself; not even a pet!  That’s right; no dog or cat!  Soon you are going to experience a year of loss; a year of heartbreak that will turn your world upside down. But as hard as it is; it’s for the better.

We can do whatever we want now. Well, within reason; money is tight. We had to get a part-time job but no one is asking for my time or making any demands on me. If someone treats me with disrespect, they are out of my life.

Look at me; I hardly look any older and I look better. I’ve learned to love myself and look after myself. I dress nicer, now, and get my hair styled. (My heart aches at how bad I look, under all that stress, but I don’t say anything.)

I can watch whatever I want on TV, whenever I want. My treats are always still there in the cupboard when I go for them.

I can spend all morning on the computer writing my blog (that’s a thing where you can write whatever you want and post it on the internet) because it’s my day off and I really can take it OFF.

You are going to be 52 tomorrow; I know how you will spend it; working and getting yelled at. In a few days, when the time is right for him, you will go out for dinner. He’ll be either gruff and silent all the way or rant on about the current “fucking guy”. But in the restaurant he’ll put on a good show of attentiveness, for others.

Tomorrow I’m going to be 62. Jennifer is having a family get-together for Chris and I; he’s going to be 43. They do love us. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I didn’t have my family. Doug just wants to isolate you when he tries to tell you they don’t care about you. The grandnieces and grandnephew bring so much joy into our life; they are awesome!

I really wish you could come home with me today; you would love it. It’s just perfect for us.

You are always saying, “I wish everyone would just leave me alone!”   Well, they did.

It hasn’t been easy: it hasn’t been fun. But I’m so proud of myself.

Happy Birthday to us!

Present-day you meets 10-years-ago you for coffee. Share with your younger self the most challenging thing, the most rewarding thing, and the most fun thing they have to look forward to.

6 thoughts on “Be Careful What You Wish For…..

  1. So you are Canadian, up in the Goderich/Lake Huron area…. I grew up in Kitchener-Waterloo, after university in London, went to work and live in Toronto for over 20 yrs. Before heading out to western Canada.

    Hope you drop by my blog. Let’s chat up!

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