Today I woke up with that “here we go again” kind of feeling. Yesterday was my day off: I’m going back to work today to do the ‘closing’ shift; 3:00 to 9:00 p.m. It involves a lot of cleaning; huge baking sheets, sticky scoops, knives, buckets, etc., and ending with mopping the floors. I used to say “at least I don’t have to mop the floors” but now that I’m doing this shift, I have to.
So this morning I felt the weight of drudgery on my aching body. My own place needs a lot of work, both inside and outdoors, that’s getting me down, too. Today the Daily Prompt was “list 5 things you’d change about your life then write a blog from the day when those things are all crossed off.” Holy Moly, where do I begin? ‘Five things’ is just about everything and then write about a day about when you have everything. I don’t feel like delving into some fantasy and spend my precious morning writing about it. That will get me nowhere fast.
But something I read this morning helped me quite a bit and that was this article in Huffington Post. It’s from a larger series called “Why didn’t you just leave?” It’s the common question asked to women who’ve lived with abusers but chose to stay. I just read the first one and it hit home. It’s from a woman who was not beaten but verbally abused for years. Her story explains so well at why she stayed with an abuser.
He is your mate that you have been intimate with for years. There are good times between the bad times. You keep hoping this intelligent person will see the light and care about what he his doing to you. But it just gets worse.
Lissette had two children and wanted to keep her family together. After seeking treatment for herself she realized what the verbal abuse was doing to her and her children. That’s when she tried to get out.
Her husband shot her, then himself while their children were home. Miraculously, she lived but her children are traumatized.
This tragic story was just what I needed to hear today to remind me not to fantasize about ‘how life could be’ if everything was perfect but how life would be if I’d never left. I got out without any violence. I have my own house and my own life. My job is physically demanding but I’m doing it and paying my bills. That makes me proud of myself instead of having to hear how incompetent I am everyday.
I’m going to do some housework, try to catch a nap, go into the afternoon shift with a smile on my face and pat myself on the back when I get home.
The ‘work marathon’ is over. Next week I have three days off in a row and beautiful fall weather. I am SO looking forward to that! Hopefully it can bring back some frivolity and humour to this blog!