Don’t put your BFF’s all in one basket

I wasn’t going to write this at first because I don’t have a best friend. I made the mistake of thinking my husband was my best friend but he turned out to be not a very good one.

We fell in love when we met;  swept away with love and joy that we had found our soul mates. I had lived in Toronto and Vancouver and had friends there but we all got married and moved away from each other. My husband and I moved a couple of times for jobs and since he was ‘my best friend’ I didn’t bother to make new friendships.  I had friends at the Farmers Market I worked at; mostly other vendors but some regular customers I got to know. I saw them every Saturday.

We had friends we caved with (spelunking) and one female caver lived close by so we were friends for a few years. But she was a hard-core caver so when I got too old and wanted to stay home, she was only friends with my husband who could take her on good cave trips. Once when I complained Doug and I never did anything else anymore, like hiking, she said, “Why don’t you just get a life and let Doug do whatever he wants?”  Our ‘friendship’ ended that day.

My mom used to try to warn me, “You should have other friends” But I would say “Doug is my best friend”. I didn’t have time for anyone else.

When we broke up, I was broken. Verbal and emotional abuse had destroyed my spirit. I called a few people I knew to say I was at my sisters’ but no one ever called me back or bothered to find out how I was doing. I was still in contact with my ex, and he would tell me “so and so says hello”. Man, that hurt.  After all; they could see what a ‘nice guy’ he was and what a mess I was.

I went on Facebook and hated it at first but one day an old boyfriend found me and within a week I was back in touch with all my old friends from Toronto and Vancouver. Getting these friends back has been awesome!  The old boyfriend’s childhood cottage near Bracebridge (we used to go up on the weekends and get very stoned) was bought by some other friends and now we have a reunion every year there. A couple of my old best friends married and live in Bracebridge so I can go stay with them for the party weekend. So say what you want about Facebook; I would not have my old friends back without it!   And I can say I have 65 friends!

I would still like have a good friend around here but it gets harder as you get older. So many people have such busy, full lives they are trying to cut back; they don’t need new friends. And the women I have met, well…… let’s just say I’m being careful about who I let in my life.