When we were young and looking for a partner, we hoped to find someone to make us happy but it usually ends in disappointment. That person is waiting for you to make them happy. The line “you complete me” sent a young heart swooning but as an older person it’s a giant red flag. Someone who needs to be completed is not a whole person. They are depending on someone else to fulfill their lives. No one can do that for another, you can only do it for yourself.
I spent most of my life trying to make someone happy who will never be happy. I had to move away to get some happiness in my life. It’s not that easy when you are in a deep slump; you have to work at it. Stream of consciousness, like water, can flow downhill easily but sometimes we have to have the mental strength to push our stream of consciousness up. And it’s like pushing water uphill.
I remember seeing an interview with Yoko Ono who said she realized one day she hadn’t laughed in two years. She had forgotten how, so she looked in the mirror and said , “ha, ha,ha”. It was a first step. She had to start pushing her thoughts back to laughter.
After my marriage broke up, I was depressed for a long time. I got used to being in a dark place, like it was my lot in life. I was trying to think ‘better’ thoughts but mentally and physically I just beat them back. Then I tried Zumba. I had always loved dancing but hadn’t danced in years and years. Afterwards, I thought, “I feel good!”. It was a revelation. I realized I hadn’t felt good for a very long time…… this is what it felt like! I’ve been doing Zumba for 3 years now and it’s still the best thing for depression.
The link to this article is very good advice and succinct on how to work at being happy.
This is Canadian Thanksgiving, so give thanks for all you have!